My “Worst Films” list is always the hardest to cull together. Why? Because there are more bad films released with each passing year than good ones, sadly. And boy was 2011 a bad year. So bad that I contemplated making a Top 20 List...and even then, I had plenty left over for “Honorable Mention”. But I hunkered down, made the necessary cuts, and created my Top 10 list for your perusal. As my 10 Best List caused confusion with my non-linear picks, I will count down this list from number 10 (being the least hated) to number 1 (being the film I hated most last year).
As I am a staunch despiser of remakes, I decided not to add any here, as it would make up the list in its entirety. And let’s face it...there were no good remakes last year, so why even bother stating the obvious?
I also apologize now for cheating...as technically there are 11 films on this list. But when you get to number 2, you will understand why.
So here is my list for your perusal...
10. Contagion
Let’s face it: we’ve seen this story before. We’ve also seen it done better with lesser known stars and greener directors. So how could one of our more prolific directors get so many A-list stars together to create such a dud of a film? Maybe Soderburgh met with Gary Marshall and took some tips. Maybe the script got rewritten to all hell. But to create an outbreak thriller that is duller than watching paint dry...devoid of characters you want to root for to live...to gloss over how some people were immune and others weren’t...to have no plot points in which to move us from one moment to the other... is unforgivable.
9. Tree of Life
And the award for Most Pretentious Film Of The Year goes to...! What the eff? I just...I mean...sigh. Here’s how I like to describe this movie to those who have yet to see it: Have you seen 2001: A Space Odyssey? Yes? Okay, remember the first 20 minutes where you’re desperately waiting for the film to get to the space craft? Imagine that first 20 minutes stretched out to 2 hours and 20 minutes...and you never get to the space craft.
8. Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son
AKA “I’m so desperate for a career comeback, so let’s dredge up this tired old franchise and try to reboot it!” No, Martin, no. Don’t give Eddie Murphy any ideas for a Klumps 3. Unfunny, poorly paced, and ridiculous for even THIS kind of film. Next time you decide to dress in drag for a movie, at least have the decency to do it as the only funny “lady” you’ve ever created: She’Naynay.
7. Trespass
Where to begin? Stop me if you’ve heard any of this before: Nic Cage, in a bad hair piece and with poor acting, and his beautiful wife, Nicole Kidman, are having Marital Problems. Before you can say “Family In Crisis”, a group of men break in and demand Money and Jewels. But there is a Plot Twist that turns everything on its ear and makes you question the motives of one half of this married couple. Yes! Another home invasion thriller!!! And by thriller, I mean cliched bore. And by cliched bore, I mean “why the heck did I sit through this until the end?” And it was SO bad, that it came out on DVD almost a month after its theatrical release...and no one could place the title when it was announced. Consider yourself warned.
6. Something Borrowed
You only need to read these six words to understand why this made the list: A romantic comedy starring Kate Hudson. But wait...this isn’t just ANY romantic comedy! It’s a romantic comedy where there is absolutely NO rooting value for ANY of the couples. One Vile Person steals a Spineless Man from a Doormat b/c neither of the two sad sacks had the cajones to tell the other how they felt about the other. Then, after getting drunk and sharing their feelings after Spineless gets engaged to Vile, Spineless and Doormat sleep together...and Doormat figures, “Well, Vile is a bitch, so, I should have Spineless instead. I’m nicer.” Then it turns out Vile may not exactly be monogamous and everyone becomes righteous and...did I bore you yet? Do you care about the outcome? Good...neither did I. And that’s a dangerous way to be when you do a romantic comedy...
5. The Roommate
Minka Kelly plays Bridget Fonda, an attractive girl with a cheating boyfriend. Leighton Meester, playing Jennifer Jason Leigh, is a crazy girl who stopped taking her medication and has severe abandonment issues. Soon, Jennifer Jason Leigh is changing her appearance to look and dress like Bridget Fonda, killing Bridget’s cheating boyfriend, knocking out Bridget’s gay BFF, and...wait. Am I re-watching the superior 1992 film “Single White Female”??? Oh...no...I’m not. I’m watching The CW Cast Of The Week doing an “original” film. Did I mention this one involved a little kitten being thrown into a clothes dryer so that Leighton could try to get closer to Minka’s character? Yeah. It would have been one thing if this movie was shot in an over-the-top, campy, wink-wink-nudge-nudge way it should have been. But its real crime is taking itself too seriously...and trying to fool us into thinking we’re watching a “good” film.
4. Shark Night 3D
Maybe I hated it because I didn’t see it in theaters in 3D...where I missed great gore moments flying towards my face. Maybe I hated it because it wasn’t long enough. Or maybe I hated it because this movie had zero character development, revealed its plot with only 10 minutes left in its running time, had a twist that was telegraphed in the beginning of the film, and then left us with an ending that was so reminiscent of Piranha 3D that you had to wonder if they shot it the same weekend. Worse: the promise of a possible sequel. But hey, if you like the other half of The CW All Stars who didn’t make it into “The Roommate”, then this flick might be for you. Oh, and the Black Character who was stupid enough to go back into the water, tough guy-like after losing an arm to a shark early on to go mano-a-mano with said shark again? In the dark? And armed with only a spear? Um...that wouldn’t happen in real life.
3. The Hangover 2
I really shouldn’t have put this film on this list, as I said I wouldn’t list remakes in the beginning, but since this was released as a “sequel”, it gets to make the cut! See, in sequels, there are rules. 1)Expound upon the characters you have created in the original. Bring something new to the film that you couldn’t/didn’t bring to the first one and make us like them even more. 2)Make it different enough to make us fall in love with the film just as much, if not more than, the original. 3)Don’t. Give Us. The Same. Damn. Thing. Here, the completely overrated Todd Phillips (aka the new Judd Apatow) has broken all of the rules...and he is being rewarded...with a THIRD FILM in this unfunny, unnecessary franchise. Same “jokes”, new locale. No character growth. I coudln’t even watch it all...I fast forwarded through most of it. And for those of you who paid to see it in the theaters? I only have one word for you: Suckers!
2. New Years Eve/ Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Now, I’m cheating on two counts here. Count number one: I made it a tie, when it’s only a top 10 list. Count number two: the trailers for these two films were so God awful that I didn’t bother seeing them, yet filled me with such over powering hate that I included them on this list anyway.
First up: “New Years Eve”. Even though I didn’t see it, I did. It was called “Valentine’s Day” last year, and every excruciating moment of that film was re-lived in the trailer for “New Years Eve”. It even had some of the same cast! In fact...this movie had a BETTER cast! Michelle Pfeiffer??? Halle Berry??? Hillary Swank??? Robert DeNiro??? (Okay, touche. He hasn’t done a good movie in almost two decades, but still!) Why??? Rob Marshall, that’s why. I do believe he’s Satan incarnate now...getting A-list actors to commit to such rubbish, thus tarnishing their images in our eyes. And to add Katherine Heigl to the mix to boot??? It’s like Rob Marshall wanted to create genocide in the United States, getting people to kill themselves while watching this movie, thus helping out with population control. Methinks he will succeed if he does another one of these films.
Now, for “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close”. First of all, my brain shut down when I saw the shot of the Twin Towers smoking, and Sandra Bullock looking at it, tears in her eyes, on the phone with her husband, Tom Hanks. Cue the swelling, sad music, and the precocious little boy talking life lessons in voice over that he would never ever EVER say if it were, you know, real life. Add to that The Journey the boy must go on to find out what The Key his dead father left behind unlocks...and the cast of Interesting Supporting Characters he comes in contact with (A Weary Black Woman! A Wise Old Man!) along the way, and not one scene where Sandra Bullock ISN’T crying, and you just lost a film goer. I believe this film would win “Most Emotionally Manipulative Film Of The Year”. But it won’t manipulate me into thinking I’m missing out on a good movie, that’s for sure. Critically panned, audience hated...and an Oscar Contender. Oh, what tangled web we weave, Hollywood politics.
1. Trust
Alas, we get to my most hated film of the year. Not since last years’ number one movie (the awful “Remember Me”) have I been filled with such hate...such malice for a film. In this Lifetime Movie Of The Week That Got Released Theatrically Because Of Its Cast (Clive Own, Catherine Keener...directed by David Schwimmer), a happy, loving family with absolutely no real turmoil to speak of, is rocked to its core when their eldest (but under-aged) daughter is raped by a man in his 40s. Now wait! Before you damn me for hating on a film that, by this description, makes it sound like this played out in a harrowing, haunting way...let me tell you what REALLY went down.
So, this teenage girl meets this “teenage boy” online, in a teen chat room. The girl falls madly in love with this boy through all of the IM’s and text messages she receives by him. Then they start talking on the phone, and she’s blowing off her family and friends for this “cute boy” (he sent her a picture, naturally) that she has never met. (Oh, he doesn’t have a web cam, if you were asking that in your mind just now.) Then, one evening, he tells her that he hasn’t been really truthful with her: he’s actually in college. A mild look of shock washes across her face...but she’s okay with this. Who doesn’t want a slightly older guy to show off to their girlfriends, right? A week later, after more Chat Love, he tells her “Okay. Don’t be mad. I’m actually 25.” Whaaaaa? Why did he lie to her???? But you know what? He’s still dreamy, and even though more red flags should have been going off in her head, she decides to keep their “relationship” going. Finally, they decide to meet! In public! At the mall! OMG! (Because that’s where most pedophiles would meet their under-aged prey. In public. At the mall.)
Cut to the meeting...and shock!!!! This dreamy 25 year old is actually in his 40s. Tears are shed by the teenage girl. Shock is on her face. She’s been lied to! So, she promptly tells him to buzz off and runs away from this pervert. Oh, wait. I forgot, that wouldn’t happen in real life...so instead, the writer has her stick around, “since she’s already there”, and the perv talks her into going to lunch with him, because they’re “so connected” and age shouldn’t matter. She agrees, hesitantly, but ends up enjoying their lunch...and the ice cream they eat after. (Did I mention that one of her teenage girlfriends sees her on this “date” and only has the flicker of concern on her face. No walking over to find out what’s going on. No phone call to anyone’s parents. That would be the SMART thing to do.) But back to the action! The “date” is coming to an end. The girl needs to get home. So of course, the only logical thing is to go with her new guy friend...who promises her that there is a present waiting for her in the car (!). And what is said present? Why, a beautiful, sexy bra and panty number from Victoria’s secret! Would she care to go to his hotel room and try it on for him? (Dramatic pause). Why, yes she would! (!!!)
So now we’re in the hotel room...and this under aged girl looks even younger wearing this adult wear, and her new male friend REALLY thinks she’s beautiful in it. Well, shucks, since he called her beautiful, I guess sex is the next logical step, right? Cut to the girl getting home safely. Her new male friend has promised to call her soon, and tells her he loves her...and by golly, she loves him too! It was only THE most magical night of her life! Then happiness turns to sadness turns to anger when...he doesn’t call her back! OMG!
So as not to completely spoil the film for those of you who dare to watch this...it leads to police involvement, trips to the therapist (shame on you, Viola Davis), a sting operation and an open ended film. What pissed me off the most about this dreck, was that this girl comes from a family where the parents are smart, involved, and protect their children. So this girl “should have known better”. These parents would have warned her about something like this happening. So this film shouldn’t have happened. At least, not with these characters...and not in the way where the victim actually believes herself to be in love with this man! It just makes you want to slap some sense into this girl...not be sympathetic towards her plight.
And now, for honorable mentions....
Your Highness - It could have been a contender...Natalie Portman. Danny McBride. Pot humor. But it crashed...and burned. I didn’t laugh once.
Wrecked - Adrian Brody, in a car, wrecked in the woods, with sparse dialogue and flashbacks leading up to how he got into said wreck. 90 minutes of sheer boredom.
30 Minutes Or Less - Another great comedic cast. Another waste of time. Maybe Danny McBride doesn’t do good movies...?
The Dilemma - Seeing a pattern here? Comedy is dead...and never has it been moreso than in this awful mess that didn’t know if it wanted to be more of a comedy or more of a drama. Never has Jennifer Connelly’s talent been more wasted...and never should she be in a film that also states, “...and Channing Tatum” as part of its cast.
Paul - A talking alien with Seth Rogan’s annoying voice. ‘Nuff said.
Dylan Dog: Dead of Night - I’m all for horror/comedy hybrids...but I like good ones that don’t lose itself in its own mythology and makes its audience go to slee-zzzz.
Battle: Los Angeles - I’m still not sure what happened in this film.
J. Edgar - I do believe it’s time for Clint Eastwood to give up the ghost. This too long, uninteresting movie with its really bad aging make up and hammy over-acting deserved to get no awards love.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Top 10 Best Films Of 2011
I know it’s February, but I have been behind on my movie watching lately and needed to catch up so I can make as complete a Best and Worst list as I could for the films that came out in 2011. First up is my Best of 2011 list. I’m not listing these in any specific order...just a representation of my favorite films last year. This list was probably the easiest to compile, as there were so many awful movies released last year that finding the few good ones was like finding someone walking around a crowd in bright red shoes. So without further adieu...
1. Crazy, Stupid, Love
Every year, I find it harder and harder to find a good comedy (I’ve given up on the fact that finding a GREAT comedy is all but unheard of now) to add to my list, when there are crappy “comedies” like “The Hangover 2” and “30 Minutes Or Less” clouding the landscape. So imagine my surprise when this GREAT COMEDY materialized out of nowhere. And it wasn’t a remake! Great cast. Great performances. Nice little twist tying all of the stories together. One of the truly (few) smart comedies being made today...and I hope imitation of THIS ilk quickly follows suit.
2. The Descendants
Alexander Payne really can do no wrong. To pull these kinds of performances from B-list actors (Judy Greer) and C-list actors (Matthew Lillard) and make you like a typically boring ABC Family actress (Shailene Woodley)...and a great turn by George Clooney (not playing George Clooney for once) makes this one of the most wonderfully acted films of the year. And to evoke an equal amount of laughter AND tears out of the audience is to be commended. Why is this man not making more films, while we’re subjected to the subpar likes of Todd Phillips and Judd Apatow multiple times a year?
3. The Help
I know. I’m supposed to hate this movie, being African-American. But as I look at film for its story-telling, and not its “why are Black women playing maids?” I enjoyed the way this story was told from start to finish. Yeah, it’s about racism. That sucks, but it happened. (And let’s not forget, in the not so distant past, if a film with a mostly African-American cast came out, they were usually set “in the hood”...and people saw those films in droves, so let’s not get uppity on this subject, shall we?). It’s a story about finding one’s own voice and rising up in the face of adversity. It was hilarious when it was funny, poignant when it was sad, and can we just admit that this was the BEST cast of any film this year?
4. The Artist
A silent film. A story told with almost no dialogue. And it’s 2012. This film deserves every single award and platitude it gets. I got more out of this movie and these characters in 90 minutes with no dialogue than I got in other “loved” (aka over-rated films) like “The Social Network” and “Slumdog Millionaire”...and both were at or over two hours.
5. Margin Call
For those of you who know me, I care about current events about as much as I enjoy going to the dentist. So to find this movie in my top ten list will come as a surprise...but surprise me this movie did! Mixing a cast of veterans with a group of up-and-coming talent, plus race-against-the-clock story-telling, and told from the perspectives of what can arguably be called the biggest group of “gray area” characters to grace the screen made this one of the most enjoyable experiences of the year.
6. Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
Rare is a sequel better than the original. Even rarer? A four-quel being the best movie in a franchise. Where to begin? The scene where Cruise is hanging off of the world’s tallest building? I was on the edge of my seat, my fist almost in my mouth, stifling my screams as those gloves began to give way and that rope wasn’t long enough. The code swapping sequence? The final fight? Tying together part three and four through the story of Ethan Hunt’s wife? The promise of a new cast and mythology? Best action movie of the year.
7. Super 8
This film is polarizing to the masses. People either loved it or hated it. I, obviously, am a part of the former group. A throwback to films I grew up watching as a child, it brought me back to the days where I could watch a movie without picking it apart scene-by-scene. The train crash sequence alone put this film in my top 10.
8. Shame
Where to begin? Other than the fact that Michael Fassbender repeatedly made millions of men wonder about the size of their own manhood, there’s a lot going on in this movie. A true film lover’s movie, this is one of those great cinematic masterpieces of character study that all writers and filmmakers should aspire towards. In the first 5 minutes of the movie, we’re treated to a slow build seduction that takes place on a subway train. No dialogue...just looks, glances, and smiles leading up to a surprise “chase scene” that could be placed in anyone’s Top 10 Chase Scenes Of All Time. This movie is THAT good.
9. Drive
Like watching an hour and half music video...of greatness. This movie is like the baby “The Artist” and “Shame” gave birth to. A DEFINITE film lover’s movie...told with sparse dialogue and almost nothing but pure chemistry to keep the movie going...this film was unjustly over looked by the Academy this year. And the fact that it looks like a retro flick sold it for me.
10. We Bought A Zoo
I was initially leery of this film. It had all the trappings to become an overly sentimental, melodramatic, “cry here, laugh there” kind of film. Imagine my pleasant surprise when I left this film thoroughly enjoyed. (It didn’t hurt that they used the cutest kid this side of Jerry Maguire.) Funny, poignant, and smart, this is one of the films that should have gotten nominated for an Oscar and inexplicably didn’t.
These runner up films were in contention, but were edged out by the above films:
Bridesmaids - Funny movie, great cast, but a bit too long.
Cedar Rapids - I’m a sucker for raunchy, indie comedy with morally ambiguous characters. This is definitely one of those.
Midnight In Paris - I didn’t love this film as much as everyone else did. But I did enjoy it, as I’m not normally a Woody Allen fan. (All time favorite: “Match Point”).
Page One: A Year Inside The New York Times - I usually avoid documentaries like the plague, as most don’t interest me. But this was a very compelling look inside one our dying art forms.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes - I didn’t think this was the second-coming of films that everyone else thought it was, but it was definitely enjoyable.
1. Crazy, Stupid, Love
Every year, I find it harder and harder to find a good comedy (I’ve given up on the fact that finding a GREAT comedy is all but unheard of now) to add to my list, when there are crappy “comedies” like “The Hangover 2” and “30 Minutes Or Less” clouding the landscape. So imagine my surprise when this GREAT COMEDY materialized out of nowhere. And it wasn’t a remake! Great cast. Great performances. Nice little twist tying all of the stories together. One of the truly (few) smart comedies being made today...and I hope imitation of THIS ilk quickly follows suit.
2. The Descendants
Alexander Payne really can do no wrong. To pull these kinds of performances from B-list actors (Judy Greer) and C-list actors (Matthew Lillard) and make you like a typically boring ABC Family actress (Shailene Woodley)...and a great turn by George Clooney (not playing George Clooney for once) makes this one of the most wonderfully acted films of the year. And to evoke an equal amount of laughter AND tears out of the audience is to be commended. Why is this man not making more films, while we’re subjected to the subpar likes of Todd Phillips and Judd Apatow multiple times a year?
3. The Help
I know. I’m supposed to hate this movie, being African-American. But as I look at film for its story-telling, and not its “why are Black women playing maids?” I enjoyed the way this story was told from start to finish. Yeah, it’s about racism. That sucks, but it happened. (And let’s not forget, in the not so distant past, if a film with a mostly African-American cast came out, they were usually set “in the hood”...and people saw those films in droves, so let’s not get uppity on this subject, shall we?). It’s a story about finding one’s own voice and rising up in the face of adversity. It was hilarious when it was funny, poignant when it was sad, and can we just admit that this was the BEST cast of any film this year?
4. The Artist
A silent film. A story told with almost no dialogue. And it’s 2012. This film deserves every single award and platitude it gets. I got more out of this movie and these characters in 90 minutes with no dialogue than I got in other “loved” (aka over-rated films) like “The Social Network” and “Slumdog Millionaire”...and both were at or over two hours.
5. Margin Call
For those of you who know me, I care about current events about as much as I enjoy going to the dentist. So to find this movie in my top ten list will come as a surprise...but surprise me this movie did! Mixing a cast of veterans with a group of up-and-coming talent, plus race-against-the-clock story-telling, and told from the perspectives of what can arguably be called the biggest group of “gray area” characters to grace the screen made this one of the most enjoyable experiences of the year.
6. Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
Rare is a sequel better than the original. Even rarer? A four-quel being the best movie in a franchise. Where to begin? The scene where Cruise is hanging off of the world’s tallest building? I was on the edge of my seat, my fist almost in my mouth, stifling my screams as those gloves began to give way and that rope wasn’t long enough. The code swapping sequence? The final fight? Tying together part three and four through the story of Ethan Hunt’s wife? The promise of a new cast and mythology? Best action movie of the year.
7. Super 8
This film is polarizing to the masses. People either loved it or hated it. I, obviously, am a part of the former group. A throwback to films I grew up watching as a child, it brought me back to the days where I could watch a movie without picking it apart scene-by-scene. The train crash sequence alone put this film in my top 10.
8. Shame
Where to begin? Other than the fact that Michael Fassbender repeatedly made millions of men wonder about the size of their own manhood, there’s a lot going on in this movie. A true film lover’s movie, this is one of those great cinematic masterpieces of character study that all writers and filmmakers should aspire towards. In the first 5 minutes of the movie, we’re treated to a slow build seduction that takes place on a subway train. No dialogue...just looks, glances, and smiles leading up to a surprise “chase scene” that could be placed in anyone’s Top 10 Chase Scenes Of All Time. This movie is THAT good.
9. Drive
Like watching an hour and half music video...of greatness. This movie is like the baby “The Artist” and “Shame” gave birth to. A DEFINITE film lover’s movie...told with sparse dialogue and almost nothing but pure chemistry to keep the movie going...this film was unjustly over looked by the Academy this year. And the fact that it looks like a retro flick sold it for me.
10. We Bought A Zoo
I was initially leery of this film. It had all the trappings to become an overly sentimental, melodramatic, “cry here, laugh there” kind of film. Imagine my pleasant surprise when I left this film thoroughly enjoyed. (It didn’t hurt that they used the cutest kid this side of Jerry Maguire.) Funny, poignant, and smart, this is one of the films that should have gotten nominated for an Oscar and inexplicably didn’t.
These runner up films were in contention, but were edged out by the above films:
Bridesmaids - Funny movie, great cast, but a bit too long.
Cedar Rapids - I’m a sucker for raunchy, indie comedy with morally ambiguous characters. This is definitely one of those.
Midnight In Paris - I didn’t love this film as much as everyone else did. But I did enjoy it, as I’m not normally a Woody Allen fan. (All time favorite: “Match Point”).
Page One: A Year Inside The New York Times - I usually avoid documentaries like the plague, as most don’t interest me. But this was a very compelling look inside one our dying art forms.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes - I didn’t think this was the second-coming of films that everyone else thought it was, but it was definitely enjoyable.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Internet Killed The Brick and Mortar Star...and Society.
When I was a child, my mother would spend all day Saturday running around Los Angeles, doing her shopping. She'd get the real chore out of the way early: grocery shopping. Blech. Booooring! Then she would return home, drop off the food, and continue on to the more fun part of the shopping day: the Mall! Of course, her version of fun was clothes shopping. Double blech. Me? I went off to my two favorite types of stores: music and books!
Waldenbooks...B.Dalton Booksellers...Sam Goody...Wherehouse Music...Bookstar...Music Plus... businesses that, when I saw their names...their open, inviting doors... I ran toward them, a smile on my face, eagerly awaiting what new surprises were in store for me. I spent hours in these stores, strolling the aisles, finding things I was hoping...praying...that my mother would say "yes" to, and practicing my "sad puppy dog" look in case an unwanted "no" was imminent.
As I grew older, the era of "Corporate Chain" companies came along, and, having started making my own money, I would spend my free time roaming places like Circuit City, Virgin Records, Tower Records, Borders Books, and Barnes and Noble. I'd make it a Blockbuster Night, or, if I was near one, a Hollywood Video evening when I wanted to rent a movie for a couple of days.
What do these businesses all have in common? They're all gone...or dangerously close to joining those already resting in peace. Who's to blame for this? The greedy corporations who continued to charge top dollar (way above average market price) until they breathed their last gasp? Consumers, who found more and more ways to get things at a much cheaper price from online sellers? The answer: both are to blame.
Let's start the assessment with the corporations, shall we? Yes, the major downfall to all of these companies are the fact that they sell all of their products for top dollar value. Who's going to buy a CD for $17.99-$19.99 at Tower Records and Virgin Megastore, when you can buy it for between $9.99 and $12.99 the first week they are released at Best Buy, Walmart, Target, or Amazon? Who's going to buy a paperback book for $13.99-$19.99 at Borders or Barnes & Noble when you can find it for $7.99 or less at Walmart and Amazon? Who's going to rent a new release film for $5, per movie no less, when they can get a months' worth of movies for $20 or under on Netflix, depending on which plan you choose?
"It's the rising costs of rent, and electricity, and labor" people say. Well...yes, okay. Maybe. I mean, Walmart and Target are thriving...and are much bigger...and employ more people per store than any Borders or Blockbuster Video location...yet, they still offer the same products at almost half the cost! Meanwhile Blockbuster, Borders, et al pay their employees the minimum amount of money they can possibly get away with, so...it's not really the labor... meanwhile company CEOs are taking home million dollar bonuses every year. See where THIS train of thought is going...?
On the flipside of the argument, there's the consumers. I know, I know, I know..."Netflix is cheaper! I can even stream movies for free!" "Amazon rocks! I can buy used product and get free Super Saver shipping!" "Redbox is only $1 for new releases!" All of that is really great...for now. Consumers are so...pardon the pun, but, CONSUMED, with sticking it to the big corporations by going the cheaper, more affordable route, that they don't realize the one true fact: once you knock out all of the competition...all of that great, affordable competitive pricing will quickly disappear. Without competition, there's no need to seek out the love from consumers, now that a monopoly will be put into place.
For instance: Netflix was charging $16.99 for a three out at a time movie program. As of last month, they raised it to $19.99. Now, this is while Blockbuster is still around to give customers the gift of "immediate gratification". Let's say Blockbuster closes up shop next year. Mom and pop stores are virtually gone (with smaller chains like 20/20 Video going the way of the dinosaur as well). So who's left standing? Netflix and Redbox. So now everyone who wants to rent a movie has to use either Netflix or Redbox. Notice how, on Netflix, everything new goes to immediate "Long Wait"? That's just with the thousands of customers they have right now. Imagine when the rest of the U.S.' population join because they have nowhere to go? Netflix will have to spend more money to get more copies of those films. Where do think that money will come from? Their checkbooks? Nope. And guess what else is going to get expensive? The shipping of these films, that customers currently don't have to pay for. With more discs going out every day...I wouldn't be surprised if a "shipping charge" will be added to each month's already increasing bill. Free streaming? Not when so many people are using it, causing the servers to begin to slow down and crash. And when you become the main game in town, what's the first thing you do? Drive up the costs...because you know people will have to pay it if they want to watch movies at home...
Same thing goes for Amazon, a site that sells virtually everything you could possibly want without having to leave the comfort of your own home. Again, a great idea! But then, that cheap book you knew you could get for $5 used is now $15. That rare-ish CD you were going to get for $8 is now $30. Maybe you could stop in at Borders really quick and...oh wait...you put that company out of business too! And now,you're paying the exact amount you would have been paying at Barnes & Nobles, if not more, because of tax, shipping and handling, and rising costs of the monopolistic society you just created!
Now, that's just the pocketbook side of the argument. Let's move onto the effect it will bring to society as a whole:
Remember when you would meet your friends out for a coffee or for lunch (which you will always be able to do, because, let's face it, America's fascination with drinking Liquid Crack and spending less time in the kitchen cooking will continue to thrive forever) and decide to go window shopping? Spending time in a store (music, books, clothing, pick your poison) and socializing, face-to-face for another hour or so after eating, so as not to go home and have to be alone? Yeah, those days are about to be over. Because your newfound love of the Internet and shopping will replace your face-to-face socializing time with typing on Facebook chat while doing Window Shopping 2.0: browsing through the pages of Amazon.
Remember looking forward to the weekends when your parents would take you to a video store as a "treat" after dinner? Well, now you better hope it's not a holiday, or that you didn't forget to put that Netflix movie in the mail so you can get your next movie in time for whichever night you wanted to watch something...because you won't have a video store to pop into and grab a flick "really quick". And good luck with Redbox...those Kiosks don't exactly hold thousands of titles...(or that many copies of each title!) Let's not also forget that no one reads what a movie is about anymore, and is constantly looking for feedback from people (usually employees) to find out if a movie is worth your time. Well, Netflix doesn't have a number for you to call to ask such things...and God forbid you take a couple of minutes reading reviews...
Yes, I sound bitter. I know. But I have every right to be. The American public is taking my childhood away from me, slowly but surely. By the time I have children, all of my favorite memories will have to be shared by spoken word stories...as I won't be able to show them, up-close-and-personal, what going out, browsing, and socializing was like...because people prefer to chat and shop online rather than actually spend time out in the real world with each other.
I also know that I sound like I'm putting the major blame on consumers, but I hold the big corporations equally responsible. If it weren't for their ridiculously greedy pricing strategies, the Internet would never have gotten us this addicted to begin with!
I will end my diatribe for now, but let me just leave you with this last thought: remember that great Disney film, "Wall.E"? Where the patrons of society were painted as fat, lazy, housebound hermits? Well, not everything comes strictly from the imagination. You have been warned...
Waldenbooks...B.Dalton Booksellers...Sam Goody...Wherehouse Music...Bookstar...Music Plus... businesses that, when I saw their names...their open, inviting doors... I ran toward them, a smile on my face, eagerly awaiting what new surprises were in store for me. I spent hours in these stores, strolling the aisles, finding things I was hoping...praying...that my mother would say "yes" to, and practicing my "sad puppy dog" look in case an unwanted "no" was imminent.
As I grew older, the era of "Corporate Chain" companies came along, and, having started making my own money, I would spend my free time roaming places like Circuit City, Virgin Records, Tower Records, Borders Books, and Barnes and Noble. I'd make it a Blockbuster Night, or, if I was near one, a Hollywood Video evening when I wanted to rent a movie for a couple of days.
What do these businesses all have in common? They're all gone...or dangerously close to joining those already resting in peace. Who's to blame for this? The greedy corporations who continued to charge top dollar (way above average market price) until they breathed their last gasp? Consumers, who found more and more ways to get things at a much cheaper price from online sellers? The answer: both are to blame.
Let's start the assessment with the corporations, shall we? Yes, the major downfall to all of these companies are the fact that they sell all of their products for top dollar value. Who's going to buy a CD for $17.99-$19.99 at Tower Records and Virgin Megastore, when you can buy it for between $9.99 and $12.99 the first week they are released at Best Buy, Walmart, Target, or Amazon? Who's going to buy a paperback book for $13.99-$19.99 at Borders or Barnes & Noble when you can find it for $7.99 or less at Walmart and Amazon? Who's going to rent a new release film for $5, per movie no less, when they can get a months' worth of movies for $20 or under on Netflix, depending on which plan you choose?
"It's the rising costs of rent, and electricity, and labor" people say. Well...yes, okay. Maybe. I mean, Walmart and Target are thriving...and are much bigger...and employ more people per store than any Borders or Blockbuster Video location...yet, they still offer the same products at almost half the cost! Meanwhile Blockbuster, Borders, et al pay their employees the minimum amount of money they can possibly get away with, so...it's not really the labor... meanwhile company CEOs are taking home million dollar bonuses every year. See where THIS train of thought is going...?
On the flipside of the argument, there's the consumers. I know, I know, I know..."Netflix is cheaper! I can even stream movies for free!" "Amazon rocks! I can buy used product and get free Super Saver shipping!" "Redbox is only $1 for new releases!" All of that is really great...for now. Consumers are so...pardon the pun, but, CONSUMED, with sticking it to the big corporations by going the cheaper, more affordable route, that they don't realize the one true fact: once you knock out all of the competition...all of that great, affordable competitive pricing will quickly disappear. Without competition, there's no need to seek out the love from consumers, now that a monopoly will be put into place.
For instance: Netflix was charging $16.99 for a three out at a time movie program. As of last month, they raised it to $19.99. Now, this is while Blockbuster is still around to give customers the gift of "immediate gratification". Let's say Blockbuster closes up shop next year. Mom and pop stores are virtually gone (with smaller chains like 20/20 Video going the way of the dinosaur as well). So who's left standing? Netflix and Redbox. So now everyone who wants to rent a movie has to use either Netflix or Redbox. Notice how, on Netflix, everything new goes to immediate "Long Wait"? That's just with the thousands of customers they have right now. Imagine when the rest of the U.S.' population join because they have nowhere to go? Netflix will have to spend more money to get more copies of those films. Where do think that money will come from? Their checkbooks? Nope. And guess what else is going to get expensive? The shipping of these films, that customers currently don't have to pay for. With more discs going out every day...I wouldn't be surprised if a "shipping charge" will be added to each month's already increasing bill. Free streaming? Not when so many people are using it, causing the servers to begin to slow down and crash. And when you become the main game in town, what's the first thing you do? Drive up the costs...because you know people will have to pay it if they want to watch movies at home...
Same thing goes for Amazon, a site that sells virtually everything you could possibly want without having to leave the comfort of your own home. Again, a great idea! But then, that cheap book you knew you could get for $5 used is now $15. That rare-ish CD you were going to get for $8 is now $30. Maybe you could stop in at Borders really quick and...oh wait...you put that company out of business too! And now,you're paying the exact amount you would have been paying at Barnes & Nobles, if not more, because of tax, shipping and handling, and rising costs of the monopolistic society you just created!
Now, that's just the pocketbook side of the argument. Let's move onto the effect it will bring to society as a whole:
Remember when you would meet your friends out for a coffee or for lunch (which you will always be able to do, because, let's face it, America's fascination with drinking Liquid Crack and spending less time in the kitchen cooking will continue to thrive forever) and decide to go window shopping? Spending time in a store (music, books, clothing, pick your poison) and socializing, face-to-face for another hour or so after eating, so as not to go home and have to be alone? Yeah, those days are about to be over. Because your newfound love of the Internet and shopping will replace your face-to-face socializing time with typing on Facebook chat while doing Window Shopping 2.0: browsing through the pages of Amazon.
Remember looking forward to the weekends when your parents would take you to a video store as a "treat" after dinner? Well, now you better hope it's not a holiday, or that you didn't forget to put that Netflix movie in the mail so you can get your next movie in time for whichever night you wanted to watch something...because you won't have a video store to pop into and grab a flick "really quick". And good luck with Redbox...those Kiosks don't exactly hold thousands of titles...(or that many copies of each title!) Let's not also forget that no one reads what a movie is about anymore, and is constantly looking for feedback from people (usually employees) to find out if a movie is worth your time. Well, Netflix doesn't have a number for you to call to ask such things...and God forbid you take a couple of minutes reading reviews...
Yes, I sound bitter. I know. But I have every right to be. The American public is taking my childhood away from me, slowly but surely. By the time I have children, all of my favorite memories will have to be shared by spoken word stories...as I won't be able to show them, up-close-and-personal, what going out, browsing, and socializing was like...because people prefer to chat and shop online rather than actually spend time out in the real world with each other.
I also know that I sound like I'm putting the major blame on consumers, but I hold the big corporations equally responsible. If it weren't for their ridiculously greedy pricing strategies, the Internet would never have gotten us this addicted to begin with!
I will end my diatribe for now, but let me just leave you with this last thought: remember that great Disney film, "Wall.E"? Where the patrons of society were painted as fat, lazy, housebound hermits? Well, not everything comes strictly from the imagination. You have been warned...
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
If I Ran A Network...
For those of you old enough (re: born by at least 1985), you'll remember a time when network television ran original programming 7 days a week. Friday nights had the ever popular comedy block called TGIF on ABC, consisting of shows like "Family Matters", "Perfect Strangers", and "Full House". Saturday nights, on NBC, you found the comedy block consisting of "Golden Girls", "Empty Nest", "Amen", and "Nurses" followed by the hit drama "Sisters".
Cut to 2011, where Friday nights are considered the nights to kill a television show, and Saturday nights are a virtual wasteland of...re-runs of the shows ran during the week. What happened here? How did we lose two nights a week of programming? The two most prevalent reasons:
1. "Well, there's cable now!" you scream. Okay. Outside of reality television, what is it that you're finding on cable that will keep people from watching network television on those nights? I dare you to find something people are dying to watch on Friday and Saturday nights on cable television.
2. "No one's home!" you yell. Um...very much untrue. Sure, a nice chunk of the demographic television caters to are out on the town, but what about those 8-16 year olds who are stuck at home, and those of us in our late 20s-early 30s and older who have done the "Go out all night" routine a decade earlier and more interested in staying in? Or those people in the coveted demographic who are too poor to go out in this awful economy?
Here's the real reason, in my opinion: no one is willing to take risks anymore...even though there is proof that an audience will show up to the party. Since moving "Smallville" and "Supernatural" to Friday nights, The CW has been treated to ratings bumps for both shows, versus being in their previous Thursday night berths. "Fringe", which was being clobbered in the ratings on Thursday nights, recently moved to Friday nights on FOX and their ratings have held steady. "Blue Bloods" was doing just fine on CBS Friday nights, but the network just moved it to Wednesdays to get even better ratings. All of these shows were thought of as "DOA" when their respective networks announced the moves to Friday nights...and not one of them failed. Sadly, network execs will stupidly believe this as more of a fluke than an upward trend for creating content for this night.
So, how would I run a network, if I had the autonomy?
1) Move some of my most popular shows to said Friday and Saturday nights. Audiences are passionate about their shows. They will picket, send in trinkets to the network, and begin petitions if their shows are in danger of being cancelled. So it begs that they will follow this show to whatever night of the week it's moved to. Some of the most popular shows, no matter what nights they've been switched to, continue to thrive. "American Idol" just moved to two nights later in the week and continues to flourish, and is the top rated television show on the air. Will audiences stop watching it if it moved to Friday and Saturday nights? Nope. Ratings may diminish a little, but nothing will kill that show. Do you think everyone who is in love with all the "Mc-fill-in-the-blanks" on Grey's Anatomy will just up and stop watching if it got moved to the weekend? Or people will stay away from C.S.I or Criminal Minds if it was taken out of the weekday mix? Not a chance in hell. Pair these popular shows with either a newbie or another accomplished show and it's "Hello weekend television!" all over again.
2) Develop shows that are dynamic, fun, and can be sustained. Way too often, networks look for the next event show, like "Lost". "Lost" was a flash in the pan, lightning-strikes-only-once kind of event. It was a great show and the writers knew what they were doing to keep it going as long as it did. However, the networks stop thinking about "character" and create more "plot" oriented series that will never last for a whole season, let alone several. Some cases in point: "FlashForward". Great premise...for a movie. Horrible one for a TV series. The entire world blacks out for a couple of minutes and get glimpses of six months into the future...some try to stop horrific things from happening; others can't wait for the wonderful fates they are destined to have. But...then the date happens. Then what? Another blackout to six months later? Then ANOTHER black out...? The audience wasn't having it, and it ended after one season. "The Event", a highly anticipated conspiracy drama on NBC. Something crazy happens. Are aliens involved? Future people? How many years can you get by on not knowing what the "event" is before audience gets bored? And if we learn what the event is early...the surprise is gone, and good luck sustaining a weekly series. Learn from "Twin Peaks" guys. After Laura Palmer's murderer was revealed, the show died a slow death leading to wacky, way-out-there-stories. And let's not go there with "The Cape", which, as of this writing, just got its episode ordered cut, and will likely not be returning next year...
3) Shorter seasons/year round programming. If it works for cable, it can work for network television. Imagine a network, where, every season contains 12 episodes. Three month commitments to television series, with no re-runs or weeks off during the holiday season. (This baffles me. Network execs think no one watches television during the holidays...yet when most people are stuck going home for the holidays, they don't go out and have nothing to do BUT watch television...hello!) No more "one week on, two weeks off...three weeks on, two weeks off" for us! Why stretch five and a half months of programming over the course of nine months??? Which leads to...
4) Giving shows a chance to find its audience. Currently, network execs will pull a show after two airings or, worse, air it for a month, then take it off for three months (I'm looking at you, "V" and "The Event"). This consummately kills any chances for a new series to find an audience...or keep one! Hence the shortening of series and airing them consecutively.
5) Cancel series when they reach a natural end. Yes, I know the name of the game is "ratings". Outside of "Seinfeld" and "Friends" and a few select others, how many shows are really giving you great story eight and nine years in? Before "ER" left the airwaves, people had stopped turning into it in droves several seasons back. There really was no reason for it to last 15 years. "Smallville", despite its ratings increase (mostly because fans knew this would be its last season), has been on for 10 years...and most fans stopped watching at least three years ago. "One Tree Hill" has miraculously lasted eight seasons...and may be back for a ninth (!!!!). I would cap each series with a maximum five year run...and if the stories are still fresh, and audiences are still coming back for more, then I would reconsider a longer run. The main thing is to go out on a high...not end up in the toilet and overstaying ones welcome...while better series struggle and get cancelled sooner (*cough* Friday Night Lights)
6) No reality shows. In my network world, I believe in a show schedule that will have my audiences laughing, crying, and having their thoughts provoked...not their minds turning to Jello. Words like "Housewife", "Shore", or "Real" will not find themselves on my network unless it's scripted. Meaning...a writer-friendly network. (I know I have 24 hours to fill...my daytime shows will be Soap Opera and Talk Show formats...which I do NOT consider reality.)
7) I would start my primetime at 7pm. It's done in the south, and I believe in the midwest...so the West Coast and East Coast need to catch up! Think about it: 10pm is late, for most people, especially ones with families, to watch a television series...especially if their mornings begin at 5 or 6am. On my network, 7pm is the new 8pm, and so on...so that by 10pm, your television watching is over and done with, and you can get that rare 8 hours of sleep.
And that, dear reader, is how I would run MikeTV. I'd live long, prosper, and cater to the one group of people all of the other networks seem to forget is most important: its audience.
Cut to 2011, where Friday nights are considered the nights to kill a television show, and Saturday nights are a virtual wasteland of...re-runs of the shows ran during the week. What happened here? How did we lose two nights a week of programming? The two most prevalent reasons:
1. "Well, there's cable now!" you scream. Okay. Outside of reality television, what is it that you're finding on cable that will keep people from watching network television on those nights? I dare you to find something people are dying to watch on Friday and Saturday nights on cable television.
2. "No one's home!" you yell. Um...very much untrue. Sure, a nice chunk of the demographic television caters to are out on the town, but what about those 8-16 year olds who are stuck at home, and those of us in our late 20s-early 30s and older who have done the "Go out all night" routine a decade earlier and more interested in staying in? Or those people in the coveted demographic who are too poor to go out in this awful economy?
Here's the real reason, in my opinion: no one is willing to take risks anymore...even though there is proof that an audience will show up to the party. Since moving "Smallville" and "Supernatural" to Friday nights, The CW has been treated to ratings bumps for both shows, versus being in their previous Thursday night berths. "Fringe", which was being clobbered in the ratings on Thursday nights, recently moved to Friday nights on FOX and their ratings have held steady. "Blue Bloods" was doing just fine on CBS Friday nights, but the network just moved it to Wednesdays to get even better ratings. All of these shows were thought of as "DOA" when their respective networks announced the moves to Friday nights...and not one of them failed. Sadly, network execs will stupidly believe this as more of a fluke than an upward trend for creating content for this night.
So, how would I run a network, if I had the autonomy?
1) Move some of my most popular shows to said Friday and Saturday nights. Audiences are passionate about their shows. They will picket, send in trinkets to the network, and begin petitions if their shows are in danger of being cancelled. So it begs that they will follow this show to whatever night of the week it's moved to. Some of the most popular shows, no matter what nights they've been switched to, continue to thrive. "American Idol" just moved to two nights later in the week and continues to flourish, and is the top rated television show on the air. Will audiences stop watching it if it moved to Friday and Saturday nights? Nope. Ratings may diminish a little, but nothing will kill that show. Do you think everyone who is in love with all the "Mc-fill-in-the-blanks" on Grey's Anatomy will just up and stop watching if it got moved to the weekend? Or people will stay away from C.S.I or Criminal Minds if it was taken out of the weekday mix? Not a chance in hell. Pair these popular shows with either a newbie or another accomplished show and it's "Hello weekend television!" all over again.
2) Develop shows that are dynamic, fun, and can be sustained. Way too often, networks look for the next event show, like "Lost". "Lost" was a flash in the pan, lightning-strikes-only-once kind of event. It was a great show and the writers knew what they were doing to keep it going as long as it did. However, the networks stop thinking about "character" and create more "plot" oriented series that will never last for a whole season, let alone several. Some cases in point: "FlashForward". Great premise...for a movie. Horrible one for a TV series. The entire world blacks out for a couple of minutes and get glimpses of six months into the future...some try to stop horrific things from happening; others can't wait for the wonderful fates they are destined to have. But...then the date happens. Then what? Another blackout to six months later? Then ANOTHER black out...? The audience wasn't having it, and it ended after one season. "The Event", a highly anticipated conspiracy drama on NBC. Something crazy happens. Are aliens involved? Future people? How many years can you get by on not knowing what the "event" is before audience gets bored? And if we learn what the event is early...the surprise is gone, and good luck sustaining a weekly series. Learn from "Twin Peaks" guys. After Laura Palmer's murderer was revealed, the show died a slow death leading to wacky, way-out-there-stories. And let's not go there with "The Cape", which, as of this writing, just got its episode ordered cut, and will likely not be returning next year...
3) Shorter seasons/year round programming. If it works for cable, it can work for network television. Imagine a network, where, every season contains 12 episodes. Three month commitments to television series, with no re-runs or weeks off during the holiday season. (This baffles me. Network execs think no one watches television during the holidays...yet when most people are stuck going home for the holidays, they don't go out and have nothing to do BUT watch television...hello!) No more "one week on, two weeks off...three weeks on, two weeks off" for us! Why stretch five and a half months of programming over the course of nine months??? Which leads to...
4) Giving shows a chance to find its audience. Currently, network execs will pull a show after two airings or, worse, air it for a month, then take it off for three months (I'm looking at you, "V" and "The Event"). This consummately kills any chances for a new series to find an audience...or keep one! Hence the shortening of series and airing them consecutively.
5) Cancel series when they reach a natural end. Yes, I know the name of the game is "ratings". Outside of "Seinfeld" and "Friends" and a few select others, how many shows are really giving you great story eight and nine years in? Before "ER" left the airwaves, people had stopped turning into it in droves several seasons back. There really was no reason for it to last 15 years. "Smallville", despite its ratings increase (mostly because fans knew this would be its last season), has been on for 10 years...and most fans stopped watching at least three years ago. "One Tree Hill" has miraculously lasted eight seasons...and may be back for a ninth (!!!!). I would cap each series with a maximum five year run...and if the stories are still fresh, and audiences are still coming back for more, then I would reconsider a longer run. The main thing is to go out on a high...not end up in the toilet and overstaying ones welcome...while better series struggle and get cancelled sooner (*cough* Friday Night Lights)
6) No reality shows. In my network world, I believe in a show schedule that will have my audiences laughing, crying, and having their thoughts provoked...not their minds turning to Jello. Words like "Housewife", "Shore", or "Real" will not find themselves on my network unless it's scripted. Meaning...a writer-friendly network. (I know I have 24 hours to fill...my daytime shows will be Soap Opera and Talk Show formats...which I do NOT consider reality.)
7) I would start my primetime at 7pm. It's done in the south, and I believe in the midwest...so the West Coast and East Coast need to catch up! Think about it: 10pm is late, for most people, especially ones with families, to watch a television series...especially if their mornings begin at 5 or 6am. On my network, 7pm is the new 8pm, and so on...so that by 10pm, your television watching is over and done with, and you can get that rare 8 hours of sleep.
And that, dear reader, is how I would run MikeTV. I'd live long, prosper, and cater to the one group of people all of the other networks seem to forget is most important: its audience.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Top 10 Worst Films of 2010
Hey guys,
Here is part two of my "Lists" series of 2010. I had A LOT of material to choose from, as this, by far, has been the worst year for film since I was born 31 years ago. As I mentioned in my last post, I couldn't even find 20 great films this past year...I had 30 for The Worst. So I whittled it down to my main 10, with explanations on why it made my list. Immediately after are a few Honorable Mentions that didn't quite make the list...but explanations on why they are deemed bad.
Enjoy!
10. The Social Network
Yeah, I said it. It’s been hailed “a dramatic thriller.” Really??? I think I need to re-read the rules of what a thriller is, because this film didn’t have me on the edge of my seat OR rooting for anyone to overcome ANY of the ridiculousness that was going on in the film. Well, maybe the Winklevoss Twins, but...considering we know how this all ends, it’s a moot point.
Look, this film IS good...as an NBC Movie of the Week if it were the 80s or early 90s. Just because you put a much lauded director and screenwriter in the mix doesn’t mean it’s going to be theatrical gold. Why am I so annoyed by this film, you ask? Let’s see... a)I could care less about any of these elitist, “too much time on their hands” kids who believe that to get ahead you have to continuously shit on people and alienate those who were only trying to help them. b) Jesse Eisenberg, aka “the other Michael Cera”. He’s not a great actor if he does the same role in everything he does, guys. Otherwise, he could have gotten nominated years ago for “Cursed”, or recently for “Zombieland”. Gripe all you want, but watch an Eisenberg marathon and I dare you to prove me wrong.
I know this over-hyped and underwhelming movie will get nominated numerous times and will win, at minimum, Best Adapted Screenplay (ugh) at this years’ Oscar ceremony...but it doesn’t mean I have to agree with it or like it. And let us all cross our fingers that this isn’t the beginning of other unnecessary and unwarranted biopics like “Myspace: The Rise and Fall of Social Sharing” or “A Twitter Story”.
9. I'm Still Here
Oh Joaquin Phoenix. What the hell is wrong with you? To be adamant that his film was “totally and completely true...not fake in the slightest”, just for you to finally admit that is was a complete fabrication right after it was released on DVD? We smelled fake from the moment it was conceived!
This improvisational nightmare is long, slow, and boring. Especially once you know that what you are watching is fake. Anything he hoped to accomplish with it is gone, and thus, not even worthy of checking out.
8. Valentine's Day
Hey! ANOTHER Ashton Kutcher film...!
Look, let’s not beat around the bush here. We knew this was going to be bad from the get-go. When you can get this many stars to essentially cameo in a film of basically vignettes with (again) way too many coincidences, you know something is amiss. Especially in a trailer for a comedy that boasts absolutely no laughs. Everyone phoned in their performances, chemistry was lacking in the couples who got together by film’s end, and you know it’s bad when the only person who got real laughs was...Taylor Swift. (I shudder having to write that last bit...)
7. Prince of Persia
So...okay. Jake Gyllenhaal has great abs. Good for him, and good for the female audience. So what about everyone else looking for SOMETHING worth watching in this (surprise!) really awful movie based on a video game?
Well. everyone else is screwed. Period. Weak story, boring action set pieces, and not a saving grace in sight. When will Hollywood learn that there is a reason these games were developed as GAMES. And it won’t get much better with the upcoming Monopoly (!!!) film...
6. The American
This film...is the epitome ...of a vanity project. A film...that looked to ape Gus Van Sant’s directing in every way. Here’s George Clooney working out. Here’s George Clooney walking down the street. Here’s George Clooney building a gun for some kind of assignment that we still don’t know about. Here’s George Clooney chatting up a priest and talking in code and symbolism. Here’s George Clooney driving down the street. This is 45 minutes into the film, by the way. Notice I haven’t given you the plot yet...because I still didn’t know the plot yet. And I didn’t wait around for the filmmakers to get to it, either. Sorry George. Better luck next time.
5. Killers
(Deep sigh). Where to begin? Katherine Heigl’s uninspired acting (she’s the new Jennifer of RomComs, you know. Which Jennifer? Anniston or Lopez...you decide). Ashton Kutcher as “the ridiculously attractive alpha male assassin”. A completely wasted supporting cast with the likes of Catherine O’Hara, Tom Selleck and Alex Borstein. A story SO over-the-top and unrealistic that you have to wonder if this film was originally intended as an animated film.
I know, RomComs give the license to have more “storyline dictated coincidences” than other films...but the amount of coincidences found here is enough to take that license away forever. The absolute worst romantic comedy of the year. And that’s saying something, considering we had the likes of “The Bounty Hunter”, “The Back Up Plan” and “Knight and Day” all in the same year.
4. Jonah Hex
Do I even have to explain why this was bad? Supernatural Western...Megan Fox...a character no one really knows about...and a bad script with dialogue as lifeless as Megan Fox’s acting. If this film does nothing but let Hollywood execs know that Miz Fox isn’t worth putting in more films, it will have done ONE justice in this world.
3. Charlie St. Cloud
Another SPOILER ALERT if you even CARE to see this ridiculous film to begin with. What’s funny about this film, is, you know it’s going to be bad from the trailer alone. You just don’t know HOW bad it’s going to be, until you get to a “twist” in the film that smacks heavily of “The Sixth Sense”... and not in a good way. You see, Charlie not only sees dead people (his younger brother who dies early in the film), but he sees almost dead people as well. I won’t say who if you still intend to see this movie...but, let’s just say, it was such an out-of-left-field twist, that I didn’t even want to go back and make sure the director didn’t show Charlie talking to this person around other people or see if there were any “cheats” along the way, like I did with “The Sixth Sense”. Enter at your own sleep-induced risk.
2. Catfish
How fitting that two of my worst films this year deal with Facebook! “Catfish”, or what I have come to call “The Fake Facebook Movie”, is quite the study on deceptive advertising. For those of you have not seen this film, or who have and stand by your “It IS real!” stance, let me assure you, this is about as fake as finding tapes in the Burkittsville, MD woods!
Why am I sure of this? (SPOILER ALERT...if you have not seen the film and want to, read no further). First of all, the story. Now, call me crazy, but if I were a 40 year old woman with mentally challenged children and a white trash husband who has gone so far as to trick an attractive 20-something male into believing I was a hot 20-something female, and went so far as to create an entire WORLD of friends and family to keep up the charade... I would NEVER give the guy permission to air this in a theatrical film!!! Hello!
Second of all, the film is really product placement to advance these people’s careers. The main guy, Nev, is...a wannabe actor! The director, his brother who wanted to document this “true story”, is...a wannabe director! The woman at the heart of this drama is...a struggling artist who now has a website for her art! Come on folks. Open your eyes.
What pissed me off the most, however, is the advertising of the film. The so-called quotes to get everyone to go out and see this ridiculously slow-paced mess. “The final forty minutes will take you on an emotional roller-coaster rise that you won’t be able to shake for days.” Nope. You see the final forty minutes coming around minute 10 of the film. But the one that REALLY pissed me off? “The best Hitchcock film Hitchcock never directed.” What gall! Hitchcock is probably turning over in his grave! Avoid at all costs...and if not...you’ve been warned. Just don’t get suckered into the “true” aspect these amateurs are selling you.
1. Remember Me
There are many reasons why this film has been chosen as my number one pick for Worst Film of 2010. Robert Pattinson is one reason. He’s my “Young Mark Ruffalo”. An average, undynamic actor who will no doubt keep getting role after role thanks to the idiot teenage girls out there who catapulted him to stardom with the horrific “Twilight” movies. Thanks so much for that.
Another reason is the story. It’s nothing we haven’t seen before. Rich dad doesn’t spend as much time with his family so spoiled older son renounces the family wealth to live like one of us common folk and constantly rebel against anything Daddy does. It’s been done better by better filmmakers and casts.
But the MAIN reason (and this is the mother of all SPOILER ALERTS...I mean, I am going to give away the ending and trash it to kingdom come) is how it ends. The director, as if knowing that the audience really could care less about these people or their petty problems, decides to ground the film in a real life disaster that is so horrifically used as a plot point, that this film should have been banned from ever seeing the light of day. Follow me as I give you the slow build realization of the denouement...
Robert Pattinson goes to his father’s building, finally deciding enough is enough and looking to give him the benefit of the doubt and try to move towards rebuilding their shattered relationship. At this time, he has also made up with the girl he thought he lost forever. Pierce Brosnan, the dad, has told his son to wait for him in his office...he will go and pick up his daughter, with whom he knows he needs to build a better relationship as well. Robert Pattinson turns on dad’s computer, and is shocked to see that the screensaver is all pictures of himself and his sister. Tears spring to his eyes. An epiphany is reached...Dad loved us all along! Robert Pattinson walks over to the window to look out over New York City on this beauitful, sunny day. We cut to the sister, in class, where we learn what today’s date is: September 11th, 2001. The film isn’t present day! It’s 2001! We cut back to Robert Pattinson looking out the window, serene and happy. We get a wide shot, on him, pulling out slowly to reveal ...Dad’s office...IS IN THE TWIN TOWERS!!!! The sound of a plane approaches off camera. CUT TO BLACK! Fade in to the aftermath...ashes falling over the city...Pierce Brosnan and Rob’s lady love looking toward the Twin Towers in horror, tears falling from their eyes...some dumb ass voice over to tie it up and make you cry harder...
Any film that utilizes such a sorrowful disaster as a PLOT POINT to elicit an emotional response from the audience because the filmmakers didn’t know how to make us care about these annoying individuals to begin with, is worthy of the honor of Worst Film...if not, Worst Film Ever. Even Nicholas Sparks, King of Schmaltz, has never resorted to this kind of travesty to elicit tears from his audience. Shame on you, Will Fetters. Shame on you.
HONORABLE MENTIONS
A Nightmare on Elm Street - this highly glossy and stylized remake is every reason why remakes should never be allowed to happen. Not a scary moment in sight.
The Losers - a lifeless action film with so many twists that they become more and more ludicrous. The worst part? A promise of a sequel...which will never get made, thankfully, to the abysmal box office.
Furry Vengeance - do I really need to explain?
The Bounty Hunter - typical Jennifer Aniston/Gerard Butler RomCom crap. They are so used to these roles that they seem to be on auto pilot now.
Just Wright - when you can peg every twist and how the story will unfold 15 minutes into the film, it's time to go back to the drawing board.
Here is part two of my "Lists" series of 2010. I had A LOT of material to choose from, as this, by far, has been the worst year for film since I was born 31 years ago. As I mentioned in my last post, I couldn't even find 20 great films this past year...I had 30 for The Worst. So I whittled it down to my main 10, with explanations on why it made my list. Immediately after are a few Honorable Mentions that didn't quite make the list...but explanations on why they are deemed bad.
Enjoy!
10. The Social Network
Yeah, I said it. It’s been hailed “a dramatic thriller.” Really??? I think I need to re-read the rules of what a thriller is, because this film didn’t have me on the edge of my seat OR rooting for anyone to overcome ANY of the ridiculousness that was going on in the film. Well, maybe the Winklevoss Twins, but...considering we know how this all ends, it’s a moot point.
Look, this film IS good...as an NBC Movie of the Week if it were the 80s or early 90s. Just because you put a much lauded director and screenwriter in the mix doesn’t mean it’s going to be theatrical gold. Why am I so annoyed by this film, you ask? Let’s see... a)I could care less about any of these elitist, “too much time on their hands” kids who believe that to get ahead you have to continuously shit on people and alienate those who were only trying to help them. b) Jesse Eisenberg, aka “the other Michael Cera”. He’s not a great actor if he does the same role in everything he does, guys. Otherwise, he could have gotten nominated years ago for “Cursed”, or recently for “Zombieland”. Gripe all you want, but watch an Eisenberg marathon and I dare you to prove me wrong.
I know this over-hyped and underwhelming movie will get nominated numerous times and will win, at minimum, Best Adapted Screenplay (ugh) at this years’ Oscar ceremony...but it doesn’t mean I have to agree with it or like it. And let us all cross our fingers that this isn’t the beginning of other unnecessary and unwarranted biopics like “Myspace: The Rise and Fall of Social Sharing” or “A Twitter Story”.
9. I'm Still Here
Oh Joaquin Phoenix. What the hell is wrong with you? To be adamant that his film was “totally and completely true...not fake in the slightest”, just for you to finally admit that is was a complete fabrication right after it was released on DVD? We smelled fake from the moment it was conceived!
This improvisational nightmare is long, slow, and boring. Especially once you know that what you are watching is fake. Anything he hoped to accomplish with it is gone, and thus, not even worthy of checking out.
8. Valentine's Day
Hey! ANOTHER Ashton Kutcher film...!
Look, let’s not beat around the bush here. We knew this was going to be bad from the get-go. When you can get this many stars to essentially cameo in a film of basically vignettes with (again) way too many coincidences, you know something is amiss. Especially in a trailer for a comedy that boasts absolutely no laughs. Everyone phoned in their performances, chemistry was lacking in the couples who got together by film’s end, and you know it’s bad when the only person who got real laughs was...Taylor Swift. (I shudder having to write that last bit...)
7. Prince of Persia
So...okay. Jake Gyllenhaal has great abs. Good for him, and good for the female audience. So what about everyone else looking for SOMETHING worth watching in this (surprise!) really awful movie based on a video game?
Well. everyone else is screwed. Period. Weak story, boring action set pieces, and not a saving grace in sight. When will Hollywood learn that there is a reason these games were developed as GAMES. And it won’t get much better with the upcoming Monopoly (!!!) film...
6. The American
This film...is the epitome ...of a vanity project. A film...that looked to ape Gus Van Sant’s directing in every way. Here’s George Clooney working out. Here’s George Clooney walking down the street. Here’s George Clooney building a gun for some kind of assignment that we still don’t know about. Here’s George Clooney chatting up a priest and talking in code and symbolism. Here’s George Clooney driving down the street. This is 45 minutes into the film, by the way. Notice I haven’t given you the plot yet...because I still didn’t know the plot yet. And I didn’t wait around for the filmmakers to get to it, either. Sorry George. Better luck next time.
5. Killers
(Deep sigh). Where to begin? Katherine Heigl’s uninspired acting (she’s the new Jennifer of RomComs, you know. Which Jennifer? Anniston or Lopez...you decide). Ashton Kutcher as “the ridiculously attractive alpha male assassin”. A completely wasted supporting cast with the likes of Catherine O’Hara, Tom Selleck and Alex Borstein. A story SO over-the-top and unrealistic that you have to wonder if this film was originally intended as an animated film.
I know, RomComs give the license to have more “storyline dictated coincidences” than other films...but the amount of coincidences found here is enough to take that license away forever. The absolute worst romantic comedy of the year. And that’s saying something, considering we had the likes of “The Bounty Hunter”, “The Back Up Plan” and “Knight and Day” all in the same year.
4. Jonah Hex
Do I even have to explain why this was bad? Supernatural Western...Megan Fox...a character no one really knows about...and a bad script with dialogue as lifeless as Megan Fox’s acting. If this film does nothing but let Hollywood execs know that Miz Fox isn’t worth putting in more films, it will have done ONE justice in this world.
3. Charlie St. Cloud
Another SPOILER ALERT if you even CARE to see this ridiculous film to begin with. What’s funny about this film, is, you know it’s going to be bad from the trailer alone. You just don’t know HOW bad it’s going to be, until you get to a “twist” in the film that smacks heavily of “The Sixth Sense”... and not in a good way. You see, Charlie not only sees dead people (his younger brother who dies early in the film), but he sees almost dead people as well. I won’t say who if you still intend to see this movie...but, let’s just say, it was such an out-of-left-field twist, that I didn’t even want to go back and make sure the director didn’t show Charlie talking to this person around other people or see if there were any “cheats” along the way, like I did with “The Sixth Sense”. Enter at your own sleep-induced risk.
2. Catfish
How fitting that two of my worst films this year deal with Facebook! “Catfish”, or what I have come to call “The Fake Facebook Movie”, is quite the study on deceptive advertising. For those of you have not seen this film, or who have and stand by your “It IS real!” stance, let me assure you, this is about as fake as finding tapes in the Burkittsville, MD woods!
Why am I sure of this? (SPOILER ALERT...if you have not seen the film and want to, read no further). First of all, the story. Now, call me crazy, but if I were a 40 year old woman with mentally challenged children and a white trash husband who has gone so far as to trick an attractive 20-something male into believing I was a hot 20-something female, and went so far as to create an entire WORLD of friends and family to keep up the charade... I would NEVER give the guy permission to air this in a theatrical film!!! Hello!
Second of all, the film is really product placement to advance these people’s careers. The main guy, Nev, is...a wannabe actor! The director, his brother who wanted to document this “true story”, is...a wannabe director! The woman at the heart of this drama is...a struggling artist who now has a website for her art! Come on folks. Open your eyes.
What pissed me off the most, however, is the advertising of the film. The so-called quotes to get everyone to go out and see this ridiculously slow-paced mess. “The final forty minutes will take you on an emotional roller-coaster rise that you won’t be able to shake for days.” Nope. You see the final forty minutes coming around minute 10 of the film. But the one that REALLY pissed me off? “The best Hitchcock film Hitchcock never directed.” What gall! Hitchcock is probably turning over in his grave! Avoid at all costs...and if not...you’ve been warned. Just don’t get suckered into the “true” aspect these amateurs are selling you.
1. Remember Me
There are many reasons why this film has been chosen as my number one pick for Worst Film of 2010. Robert Pattinson is one reason. He’s my “Young Mark Ruffalo”. An average, undynamic actor who will no doubt keep getting role after role thanks to the idiot teenage girls out there who catapulted him to stardom with the horrific “Twilight” movies. Thanks so much for that.
Another reason is the story. It’s nothing we haven’t seen before. Rich dad doesn’t spend as much time with his family so spoiled older son renounces the family wealth to live like one of us common folk and constantly rebel against anything Daddy does. It’s been done better by better filmmakers and casts.
But the MAIN reason (and this is the mother of all SPOILER ALERTS...I mean, I am going to give away the ending and trash it to kingdom come) is how it ends. The director, as if knowing that the audience really could care less about these people or their petty problems, decides to ground the film in a real life disaster that is so horrifically used as a plot point, that this film should have been banned from ever seeing the light of day. Follow me as I give you the slow build realization of the denouement...
Robert Pattinson goes to his father’s building, finally deciding enough is enough and looking to give him the benefit of the doubt and try to move towards rebuilding their shattered relationship. At this time, he has also made up with the girl he thought he lost forever. Pierce Brosnan, the dad, has told his son to wait for him in his office...he will go and pick up his daughter, with whom he knows he needs to build a better relationship as well. Robert Pattinson turns on dad’s computer, and is shocked to see that the screensaver is all pictures of himself and his sister. Tears spring to his eyes. An epiphany is reached...Dad loved us all along! Robert Pattinson walks over to the window to look out over New York City on this beauitful, sunny day. We cut to the sister, in class, where we learn what today’s date is: September 11th, 2001. The film isn’t present day! It’s 2001! We cut back to Robert Pattinson looking out the window, serene and happy. We get a wide shot, on him, pulling out slowly to reveal ...Dad’s office...IS IN THE TWIN TOWERS!!!! The sound of a plane approaches off camera. CUT TO BLACK! Fade in to the aftermath...ashes falling over the city...Pierce Brosnan and Rob’s lady love looking toward the Twin Towers in horror, tears falling from their eyes...some dumb ass voice over to tie it up and make you cry harder...
Any film that utilizes such a sorrowful disaster as a PLOT POINT to elicit an emotional response from the audience because the filmmakers didn’t know how to make us care about these annoying individuals to begin with, is worthy of the honor of Worst Film...if not, Worst Film Ever. Even Nicholas Sparks, King of Schmaltz, has never resorted to this kind of travesty to elicit tears from his audience. Shame on you, Will Fetters. Shame on you.
HONORABLE MENTIONS
A Nightmare on Elm Street - this highly glossy and stylized remake is every reason why remakes should never be allowed to happen. Not a scary moment in sight.
The Losers - a lifeless action film with so many twists that they become more and more ludicrous. The worst part? A promise of a sequel...which will never get made, thankfully, to the abysmal box office.
Furry Vengeance - do I really need to explain?
The Bounty Hunter - typical Jennifer Aniston/Gerard Butler RomCom crap. They are so used to these roles that they seem to be on auto pilot now.
Just Wright - when you can peg every twist and how the story will unfold 15 minutes into the film, it's time to go back to the drawing board.
Monday, January 3, 2011
My Top 10 List of Best Films for 2010
Hey guys,
So I decided that this year will be the first year I create some "Top 10" lists. My friends asked me to create a list this year, as I am one of the hardest people to please when it comes to films. You see, I'm what some might call a "movie snob". I hate 90% of the films that are made each year, because they are either remakes (which I abhor and refuse to give my money to) or such horrendous dreck that you wonder who sat down and signed million dollar checks every week to keep the movie funded and rolling (I'm talking about YOU, "Jonah Hex" and "Valentine's Day"!)
Looking at the list of films that were released this year, I created a list for "The Best", "The Worst", and "Much Better Than You Would Have Thought". As my lists began to grow, I saw a long list for "Worst", a nice sized list for "Better...", and, to my great disappointment, a list so short for "Best", I couldn't even make a Top 20 if someone asked me to!
So without further adieu, here is my Top 10 Best. They're listed in countdown mode, with brief descriptions of why I loved them. (I decided not to do story synopses...you either know what these movies are about or can look them up easily on imdb.com). Immediately following the list will be a list of Honorable Mentions with a brief write up on either why it didn't make the Top 10 or simply why you should check it out.
Some of my friends may be surprised by what they find...
10. Youth In Revolt
It is rare for me to put a recent comedy in any of my “Best Of” lists, considering the abysmal films that are released that pass for “funny” these days. However, this is one of the smartest, laugh-out-loud comedies that I have had the pleasure of coming across. It didn’t do well theatrically, due to Michael Cera’s declining fan base (we’re all tired of the non-expression clueless look)...but I promise you, it serves him well here and his delivery leads to many a punchline. Give it a chance guys. It’s well worth it.
9. Easy A
I know, shocker. ANOTHER comedy in my Top 10. All of this rain we’ve been having here in Los Angeles might be because of this, an almost assured sign of the Apocalypse.
Words to describe this film: Hilarious. Brilliant. Smart. Pure awesomeness. Without a doubt, the “Best 80s Movie Not Made In The 80s”. It’s a wonderful throwback to 80s teen comedies... only better. A smart heroine (I heart you, Emma Stone), interweaving plots created from ridiculous misunderstandings and little white lies... it’s the most fun you’ll have in a comedy this year.
8. Toy Story 3
Show of hands...who was crying at the end of this film? Since you can’t see my hand raised, I’ll tell you: I’m amongst that group. Such an endearingly sweet, witty allegory for growing up! It’s a testament to the filmmakers that I was able to enjoy this film without having even seen the second installment.
7. The Kid’s Are All Right
What can I say about this little film, except that it’s a marvel, from beginning to end. You can never go wrong with Annette Bening or Julianne Moore. I even liked Mark Ruffalo, whom I have nicknamed “The Most Averagely Boring Actor Who Keeps Getting Work Inexplicably”!
It’s one of the most realistic portrayals of family life that has graced the screen in previous years...it just happens to have two mommies in the drivers seat. I also love that it can never be termed “that lesbian movie”, because it’s not about the politics of two women being together or raising a family. It’s just about two people who love each other and want to provide for their little family. Kudos to you, Lisa Cholodenko.
6. 127 Hours
Yet another film I went into, fully expecting to hate, because I wasn’t sure how Danny Boyle would approach the subject matter. I’m very much not a fan of “One Man, One Location” stories (i.e. Castaway, Buried, and I Am Legend). They’re usually overly long, and uninteresting, with way too many wide shots of the city, island, coffin, etc. to “show us how alone this person is”, with equally boring ways of keeping said character occupied for two hours.
127 Hours, however, is that rare example of how a “confined story” should be told. Between the flashbacks and the ever increasing loss of sanity as the days wear on...with water and food diminishing...and no help in sight... there’s never a dull moment. To be so riveted and engrossed in a film where we even know what’s coming and how the story ends, is a testament to the great filmmaking at work here.
I’m not afraid to admit that I hated Slumdog Millionaire with a fiery passion, and still don’t get why people love it so...but this film has redeemed Danny Boyle in my eyes, and is a much more deserving film for kudos than his previous one.
5. Flipped
I’m going to take you on my journey with this film. Imagine if you will, a trailer for a small film that nowhere near conveys the greatness that is within. It looked like some cutesy, flashback to the 50s story of two kids falling in love. Who cares, right? It tanks in the theaters, is gone in mere weeks, and then put out on DVD. “Shocker,” I think to myself. So I rent it, as I will give everything a chance on DVD, because it’s free for me.
I put it in my PS3, fully prepared to turn it off within 20 minutes of viewing it. Soon, I’m glued to my seat, slapping my forehead in exasperation at the bone-head move the boy just made... shouting at the girl to ask questions before she lets this simple misunderstanding blow up into epic proportions for no reason... blinking back tears at the end because you know things will be all right...
Rare is the film to touch me so deeply that I have to get online and tell all of my friends to go out and rent it or put it in their Netflix queues. Told in a clever way (you see an event unfold through the eyes of the girl, then the director “flips” views and shows how the event went down through the eyes of the boy), it will make you relive your own “first love”, and resonate with you for days after viewing. The absolute feel good movie of the year.
4. The Town
I know what you’re thinking, because it’s the same thing I thought when I saw the trailer: (Deep sigh, overly dramatic eye roll) ANOTHER bank robbery/heist flick? Greeeeeat. Don’t have enough of THOSE out there...
And yet, it’s so much more than that. The characters...their motivations...their desperation... jump off of the page and are brought to vivid life by this talented group of actors. Ben Affleck is in fine form here, both in front of and behind the camera...even Blake “I Only Speak Out Of The Corners Of My Mouth” Lively gave a pretty good, layered performance, showing us that she’s more than just a Gossip Girl.
Keep it up, Ben, and we’ll soon forgive you for Pearl Harbor and Daredevil...
3. True Grit
True Grit is one of the funniest films this year. What’s that? Yeah, you read right. FUNNIEST. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to laugh as much, and as hard, as I did in this film. The Coen Brothers have a true gift in that area, and they brought the dark humor out tenfold in a film that could have just been a boring retread on a tale of revenge.
I went into this film fully expecting to hate it. It had a few things going against it when I sat down in the theater: a)I HATE Westerns. To me, they’re one of the most boring genres around. b)for every Coen Brothers movie I loved (No Country For Old Men, Fargo), there’s one I hated (A Serious Man, The Big Lebowski...yeah, I said it. Deal.)
So imagine my surprise when I realized that not only is it not a traditional Western, but it’s probably the Coen Brothers’ best film to date! The direction and cinematography is breathtaking, the performances flawless and inspired, the script crackling with some of the best characters and dialogue ever written. The balance of humor and seriousness is perfect.
Sorry John Wayne. Sorry Clint Eastwood. In my book, this is the Best Western ever made. My hat’s off to you, Brothers Coen.
2. The Fighter
I knew I was going to love this movie from the trailer alone. The wonderful Amy Adams and Melissa Leo? Check. Christian Bale at his method best? Check. A tale of an underdog trying to leave his past behind to move on to a better future? Check.
Another pitch perfect movie in all aspects. For one, you won’t find a better ensemble piece this year. The chemistry between the actors is electrifying...you almost forget you’re watching a movie and not a real life Boston family fighting for loyalty and love. You want so desperately for Mickey Ward to succeed, with all of the curveballs that keep getting thrown at him, that by film’s end, you let out a long breath, not remembering when you started holding it.
For all of you who were thinking “ugh, it’s just another boxing movie”...I urge you to reconsider. It’s not “Million Dollar Rocky”. You will love every minute of this film....and find yourself a little saddened when the credits start to roll...because your know this story is just beginning, and you want to follow this family for just a little longer.
1. Inception
Reasons why I chose this film as my number one pick for best of the year:
a)It was almost 3 hours long and I didn’t check my watch once.
b)It’s the most original film that has come out of the studio gates in years.
c)It made me forget that I’m not a big fan of Leonardo DiCaprio, and almost succeeded in making me one.
Of course, those are just a few of the reasons why I loved this film. From the superb acting, to the haunting score, to the action set pieces, and the brilliantly intricate “look-away-for-10-seconds-and-you-miss-a-lot” script, it’s everything all films should aspire to be.
HONORABLE MENTIONS
Black Swan - I know, you're shocked it didn't make the 10. Listen, it was a great movie, and Aronofsky could teach a master class on filmmaking. However, when it came down to figuring out the list, I had to have FELT something emotionally by the end of the film, or been pleasantly surprised by a film. Black Swan gave me exactly what I knew it would, and therefore, is my number 11.
Winters Bone - Another great movie. Can't find anything wrong with it. The lake scene (for those of you who know what I'm talking about) is harrowing and hard to watch. It just missed the 10 as well.
Date Night - Listen, stop hating on this movie. If you go in knowing it's a screwball throwback to a 50s or 80s comedy film, you'll love it. Don't expect the sarcastic, annoying, raunchy crap that passes for "good comedy" these days (*cough* Judd Apatow crapfests *cough*)
Please Give - an Indie Lovers' delight. And it has Catherine Keener. Need I say more?
Micmacs - I don't watch many foreign films. I find most of them unnecessarily long winded and muddled. This, however, is one of the best foreign films EVER made. Engrossing from start to finish.
Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work - as with foreign films, not a big fan of documentaries, but this one is a marvel. Will never look at Joan Rivers the same way...and that's a good thing.
Stay tuned for my Top 10 Worst Films coming next...
So I decided that this year will be the first year I create some "Top 10" lists. My friends asked me to create a list this year, as I am one of the hardest people to please when it comes to films. You see, I'm what some might call a "movie snob". I hate 90% of the films that are made each year, because they are either remakes (which I abhor and refuse to give my money to) or such horrendous dreck that you wonder who sat down and signed million dollar checks every week to keep the movie funded and rolling (I'm talking about YOU, "Jonah Hex" and "Valentine's Day"!)
Looking at the list of films that were released this year, I created a list for "The Best", "The Worst", and "Much Better Than You Would Have Thought". As my lists began to grow, I saw a long list for "Worst", a nice sized list for "Better...", and, to my great disappointment, a list so short for "Best", I couldn't even make a Top 20 if someone asked me to!
So without further adieu, here is my Top 10 Best. They're listed in countdown mode, with brief descriptions of why I loved them. (I decided not to do story synopses...you either know what these movies are about or can look them up easily on imdb.com). Immediately following the list will be a list of Honorable Mentions with a brief write up on either why it didn't make the Top 10 or simply why you should check it out.
Some of my friends may be surprised by what they find...
10. Youth In Revolt
It is rare for me to put a recent comedy in any of my “Best Of” lists, considering the abysmal films that are released that pass for “funny” these days. However, this is one of the smartest, laugh-out-loud comedies that I have had the pleasure of coming across. It didn’t do well theatrically, due to Michael Cera’s declining fan base (we’re all tired of the non-expression clueless look)...but I promise you, it serves him well here and his delivery leads to many a punchline. Give it a chance guys. It’s well worth it.
9. Easy A
I know, shocker. ANOTHER comedy in my Top 10. All of this rain we’ve been having here in Los Angeles might be because of this, an almost assured sign of the Apocalypse.
Words to describe this film: Hilarious. Brilliant. Smart. Pure awesomeness. Without a doubt, the “Best 80s Movie Not Made In The 80s”. It’s a wonderful throwback to 80s teen comedies... only better. A smart heroine (I heart you, Emma Stone), interweaving plots created from ridiculous misunderstandings and little white lies... it’s the most fun you’ll have in a comedy this year.
8. Toy Story 3
Show of hands...who was crying at the end of this film? Since you can’t see my hand raised, I’ll tell you: I’m amongst that group. Such an endearingly sweet, witty allegory for growing up! It’s a testament to the filmmakers that I was able to enjoy this film without having even seen the second installment.
7. The Kid’s Are All Right
What can I say about this little film, except that it’s a marvel, from beginning to end. You can never go wrong with Annette Bening or Julianne Moore. I even liked Mark Ruffalo, whom I have nicknamed “The Most Averagely Boring Actor Who Keeps Getting Work Inexplicably”!
It’s one of the most realistic portrayals of family life that has graced the screen in previous years...it just happens to have two mommies in the drivers seat. I also love that it can never be termed “that lesbian movie”, because it’s not about the politics of two women being together or raising a family. It’s just about two people who love each other and want to provide for their little family. Kudos to you, Lisa Cholodenko.
6. 127 Hours
Yet another film I went into, fully expecting to hate, because I wasn’t sure how Danny Boyle would approach the subject matter. I’m very much not a fan of “One Man, One Location” stories (i.e. Castaway, Buried, and I Am Legend). They’re usually overly long, and uninteresting, with way too many wide shots of the city, island, coffin, etc. to “show us how alone this person is”, with equally boring ways of keeping said character occupied for two hours.
127 Hours, however, is that rare example of how a “confined story” should be told. Between the flashbacks and the ever increasing loss of sanity as the days wear on...with water and food diminishing...and no help in sight... there’s never a dull moment. To be so riveted and engrossed in a film where we even know what’s coming and how the story ends, is a testament to the great filmmaking at work here.
I’m not afraid to admit that I hated Slumdog Millionaire with a fiery passion, and still don’t get why people love it so...but this film has redeemed Danny Boyle in my eyes, and is a much more deserving film for kudos than his previous one.
5. Flipped
I’m going to take you on my journey with this film. Imagine if you will, a trailer for a small film that nowhere near conveys the greatness that is within. It looked like some cutesy, flashback to the 50s story of two kids falling in love. Who cares, right? It tanks in the theaters, is gone in mere weeks, and then put out on DVD. “Shocker,” I think to myself. So I rent it, as I will give everything a chance on DVD, because it’s free for me.
I put it in my PS3, fully prepared to turn it off within 20 minutes of viewing it. Soon, I’m glued to my seat, slapping my forehead in exasperation at the bone-head move the boy just made... shouting at the girl to ask questions before she lets this simple misunderstanding blow up into epic proportions for no reason... blinking back tears at the end because you know things will be all right...
Rare is the film to touch me so deeply that I have to get online and tell all of my friends to go out and rent it or put it in their Netflix queues. Told in a clever way (you see an event unfold through the eyes of the girl, then the director “flips” views and shows how the event went down through the eyes of the boy), it will make you relive your own “first love”, and resonate with you for days after viewing. The absolute feel good movie of the year.
4. The Town
I know what you’re thinking, because it’s the same thing I thought when I saw the trailer: (Deep sigh, overly dramatic eye roll) ANOTHER bank robbery/heist flick? Greeeeeat. Don’t have enough of THOSE out there...
And yet, it’s so much more than that. The characters...their motivations...their desperation... jump off of the page and are brought to vivid life by this talented group of actors. Ben Affleck is in fine form here, both in front of and behind the camera...even Blake “I Only Speak Out Of The Corners Of My Mouth” Lively gave a pretty good, layered performance, showing us that she’s more than just a Gossip Girl.
Keep it up, Ben, and we’ll soon forgive you for Pearl Harbor and Daredevil...
3. True Grit
True Grit is one of the funniest films this year. What’s that? Yeah, you read right. FUNNIEST. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to laugh as much, and as hard, as I did in this film. The Coen Brothers have a true gift in that area, and they brought the dark humor out tenfold in a film that could have just been a boring retread on a tale of revenge.
I went into this film fully expecting to hate it. It had a few things going against it when I sat down in the theater: a)I HATE Westerns. To me, they’re one of the most boring genres around. b)for every Coen Brothers movie I loved (No Country For Old Men, Fargo), there’s one I hated (A Serious Man, The Big Lebowski...yeah, I said it. Deal.)
So imagine my surprise when I realized that not only is it not a traditional Western, but it’s probably the Coen Brothers’ best film to date! The direction and cinematography is breathtaking, the performances flawless and inspired, the script crackling with some of the best characters and dialogue ever written. The balance of humor and seriousness is perfect.
Sorry John Wayne. Sorry Clint Eastwood. In my book, this is the Best Western ever made. My hat’s off to you, Brothers Coen.
2. The Fighter
I knew I was going to love this movie from the trailer alone. The wonderful Amy Adams and Melissa Leo? Check. Christian Bale at his method best? Check. A tale of an underdog trying to leave his past behind to move on to a better future? Check.
Another pitch perfect movie in all aspects. For one, you won’t find a better ensemble piece this year. The chemistry between the actors is electrifying...you almost forget you’re watching a movie and not a real life Boston family fighting for loyalty and love. You want so desperately for Mickey Ward to succeed, with all of the curveballs that keep getting thrown at him, that by film’s end, you let out a long breath, not remembering when you started holding it.
For all of you who were thinking “ugh, it’s just another boxing movie”...I urge you to reconsider. It’s not “Million Dollar Rocky”. You will love every minute of this film....and find yourself a little saddened when the credits start to roll...because your know this story is just beginning, and you want to follow this family for just a little longer.
1. Inception
Reasons why I chose this film as my number one pick for best of the year:
a)It was almost 3 hours long and I didn’t check my watch once.
b)It’s the most original film that has come out of the studio gates in years.
c)It made me forget that I’m not a big fan of Leonardo DiCaprio, and almost succeeded in making me one.
Of course, those are just a few of the reasons why I loved this film. From the superb acting, to the haunting score, to the action set pieces, and the brilliantly intricate “look-away-for-10-seconds-and-you-miss-a-lot” script, it’s everything all films should aspire to be.
HONORABLE MENTIONS
Black Swan - I know, you're shocked it didn't make the 10. Listen, it was a great movie, and Aronofsky could teach a master class on filmmaking. However, when it came down to figuring out the list, I had to have FELT something emotionally by the end of the film, or been pleasantly surprised by a film. Black Swan gave me exactly what I knew it would, and therefore, is my number 11.
Winters Bone - Another great movie. Can't find anything wrong with it. The lake scene (for those of you who know what I'm talking about) is harrowing and hard to watch. It just missed the 10 as well.
Date Night - Listen, stop hating on this movie. If you go in knowing it's a screwball throwback to a 50s or 80s comedy film, you'll love it. Don't expect the sarcastic, annoying, raunchy crap that passes for "good comedy" these days (*cough* Judd Apatow crapfests *cough*)
Please Give - an Indie Lovers' delight. And it has Catherine Keener. Need I say more?
Micmacs - I don't watch many foreign films. I find most of them unnecessarily long winded and muddled. This, however, is one of the best foreign films EVER made. Engrossing from start to finish.
Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work - as with foreign films, not a big fan of documentaries, but this one is a marvel. Will never look at Joan Rivers the same way...and that's a good thing.
Stay tuned for my Top 10 Worst Films coming next...
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Welcome
Welcome to "Mike's Musings", my little slice of Internet. You're probably thinking, "Who is this Mike and why am I reading his blog? What makes him special?" Well, I don't think I'm special, in the least. Just your average struggling writer in Los Angeles with a crappy day job who is looking for various creative outlets. Being an opinionated person, I've been asked by many: "Why aren't you blogging?" My answer: there are an awful lot of bloggers with nothing really interesting to say.
So this is my vow to you: no blog will be placed on this site that I don't deem interesting, or having a point of some kind. I know what you're thinking. "How do YOU know what's interesting to me?" Well, I don't. That's why you, dear reader, can decide on your own based on the topics I present.
"And what exactly am I going to get from your blog?" you're probably asking. Well, I'm a rant-er. And editorial-izer, if you will. I feel pretty strongly about my stance on many things. I'm not always right, nor in the majority of thinking (otherwise all reality shows would be banned and retired from my television's airwaves), but I'm passionate about what I think, and will present my case clearly. And I love a good debate! So if you feel passionately about what I've written and feel I'm wrong...I welcome all comments as to why you think I should turn my opinions around!
So without further adieu, here is Mike's Musings. I hope you enjoy the content as much as I enjoy creating it.
So this is my vow to you: no blog will be placed on this site that I don't deem interesting, or having a point of some kind. I know what you're thinking. "How do YOU know what's interesting to me?" Well, I don't. That's why you, dear reader, can decide on your own based on the topics I present.
"And what exactly am I going to get from your blog?" you're probably asking. Well, I'm a rant-er. And editorial-izer, if you will. I feel pretty strongly about my stance on many things. I'm not always right, nor in the majority of thinking (otherwise all reality shows would be banned and retired from my television's airwaves), but I'm passionate about what I think, and will present my case clearly. And I love a good debate! So if you feel passionately about what I've written and feel I'm wrong...I welcome all comments as to why you think I should turn my opinions around!
So without further adieu, here is Mike's Musings. I hope you enjoy the content as much as I enjoy creating it.
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