Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the First Annual Mikey Awards! The awards honor the best and worst moments in film in 2013.
Biggest Over-Achiever
Robert De Niro – 6 films (“Grudge
Match”, “The Family”, “The Big Wedding”, “American Hustle”, “Last Vegas”, “The
Killing Season”)
The “It’s Been Months And I
Still Don’t Know How I Feel About You” Award
“Spring Breakers”
The Terrence Malick Award for
Most Pretension In A Single Film Award
“As I Lay Sleeping”
The Overused Natural Disaster
That Should Be Retired From Film As A Major Plot Point Award
Hurricane Katrina, “Hours”
The Overused Tragedy That
Should Be Retired From Film As A Major Plot Point Award
The JFK assassination, “Parkland”
The Movie That Could Have
Been A Contender in the 80s Award
Tie, “Homefront” and “White
House Down”
Worst Trend
Tie, Keanu Reeves, Martial
Arts Star (“47 Ronin”, “The Man of Tai Chi”); End of the world “comedies” (“Rapturepalooza”,
“The World’s End”, “This Is The End”)
Most Depressing Film of the
Year
Tie, “12 Years A Slave” and “The
Inevitable Defeat of Mister and Pete”
The Movie That Bombed Because
It Came Out Two Years Too Late Award
“The Fifth Element”
Best Use of a Prosthetic
Penis
“Jackass Presents: Bad
Grandpa”
Worst Use of a Prosthetic
Penis
“The Wolf of Wall Street”
Best Biopic
“42”
Worst Biopic
Tie, “Jobs” and “Diana”
Worst Remake
Tie, “Carrie” and “The Evil
Dead”
Best Studio Independent Film
“Enough Said”
Best Low Budget Independent
Film
“Short Term 12”
The “Not As Bad As I Thought
It Would Be Because It Bombed Terrifically” Award
Tie, “The Lone Ranger” and “The
Internship”
Most Overrated Film
Tie, “Nebraska” and “Frozen”
Most Underrated Film
“The Way Way Back”
The “Surprised It Didn’t Do
Better Than It Did” Award
“Mandela: Long Walk To
Freedom”
The Comic-Book Hero That Works
Best In An Ensemble, So Stop Making Franchise Films Of His Own Award
Tie, Wolverine and Thor
The “Please Stop While You’re
Not Ahead” Award
Tie, James Franco and Tyler
Perry
The When Bad Movies Happen To
Good Casts Award
Tie, “August: Osage County”; “American
Hustle”
Best Independent Horror Film
“Contracted”
The Decent Film That Would
Have Never Been Made If It Didn’t Have Star Power Behind It
“Don Jon”
Best Romantic Comedy
“Enough Said”
Worst Romantic Comedy
“Baggage Claim”
The “I’m So Bored I Could
Care Less How This Turns Out, So I’m Turning You Off Now” Award
“Rush”
Best Heroine In A Horror
Film,
“You’re Next”
Worst Heroine In A Horror Film,
"The Purge"
The “I Know I Should Have
Liked This Movie More, But It Was Missing Too Much For Me To Care” Award
“Lee Daniels’ The Butler”
The “Much Better Than You
Could Ever Have Expected This Movie To Be” Award
Tie, “Austenland” and “I Give
It A Year”
The Sci-Fi Movie That Should
Have Been Awesome, But Ended Up Sucking Award
“Elysium”
The “How Did These Two End Up
In Such A Boring Film” Award
Denzel Washington and Mark
Whalberg, “2 Guns”
The “You Deserve To Die
Because You Keep Doing Stupid Things While The Killer Is After You” Award
Tie, The cast of “The Purge”;
the cast of “Black Rock”
The “Um, This Movie Was
Marketed As A Comedy, But It’s Getting Dark Reeeeeally Quick” Award
Tie, “August: Osage County”; “Pain
and Gain”
Most Surprisingly Decent Thriller
“The Call”
The “If You Hadn’t Been In
3D, I Might Have Really Hated You” Award
“Oz: The Great and Powerful”
The “What In Holy Hell Am I
Watching?” Award
“Stoker”
Most Surprising Horror Film
“Dark Skies”
Most Original Independent
Horror Film
“Haunter”
The “Please Let This
Franchise Finally Die” Award
“Die Hard”
The “I Thought I Was Going To
Walk Out On This, But It Got 100 Times Better” Award
“Philomena”
Best “So Bad, It’s Awesome”
Guilty Pleasure Film
Tie, “The Canyons” and “Nurse
3D”
The “I’d Have Gone To The
Theaters To See That Movie…Until I Saw Its 3 Hour Run Time” Award
Tie, “The Wolf of Wall Street”
and “Blue Is The Warmest Color”
The Laughable Casting Award
Alexis Bledel as a hitwoman, “Violet
and Daisy”
The “Can Someone Give This
Girl A Good, Wide Release Film To Be A Part Of?” Award
Lily Collins
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