And now for the "fun" list...the list where I dissect 10 of the absolute worst films made last year, and why they were so bad. This list was hard this time around, as there were so many dreadful films put out into the public eye last year. As with 2011's list, I'm staying away from remakes, as on point, most (if not all) were unnecessary to begin with, and would thus be too easy to make a complete list of them alone.
No, I am talking about the films that were so bad, that at one point during its filming, the producers, or directors, or actors HAD to question "What the hell are we doing here? This is NOT going to be good. At ALL." The ones that you have to wonder why they were given so much money to be made...why good actors chose to be in such subpar work.
So without further ado...
10. The Vow
I waffled between this movie and "The Lucky One", in that both are cut from the same Nicholas Sparks-like swath. Why I chose this one is because it's way easier to put a Zac Effron-starrer on the list...whereas most of the people involved in this particular film should have known better. As Jason Katims is awesome, I'm going to just presume the studio had their hands in messing up this film, along with having to adhere to the true-life story it was based on. I could care less about these two as a couple, and in the end...well...while there's a "happy" ending, it's far from satisfying. The cast was way too good to be wasted on this one.
9. John Carter
Funny enough, another former "Friday Night Lights" vet makes this list. While I flip-flopped between this one and "Battleship", I chose this particular Taylor Kitsch film because it was all over the place and I honestly couldn't get to the end of it. (While "Battleship" is equally awful, once on, you kind of want to know where they're going to go with it. That, and to hate watch Rhianna act horrifically). Slow, dull, and just a poor effort all around, this is the kind of sci-fi/fantasy film that keeps non-lovers of the genre from trying to like and accept it.
8. Alex Cross
This movie is on this list for a variety of reasons. 1) You can't reboot a franchise with the fantastic Morgan Freeman at the helm with...Madea. You just can't. Tyler Perry needs to stick to what he does best (a term I use loosely, as he really only produces the same movie over and over again with a slightly different cast) and stop trying to break into "action hero superstar". It doesn't work for him. 2) This kind of film just isn't made anymore. It may have done better in the mid-late 90s when these kinds of films were hot properties. But now? It felt heavily like a relic of the past. 3). Jack Shepard as a billy bad ass? Um...no. Horrible casting choice for the lead villain. It didn't work at all. Like the film in its entirety.
7. The Apparition
One of the worst "horror" films I have ever laid eyes upon. Poorly acted, no suspense, no great scare moments, horribly plotted...everything about this movie stunk, and was worthy of its low ratings and critical pans. Why is it so hard to make a good ghost story anymore???
6. Rock of Ages
Where to begin? Bad casting choices in almost every role, despite the fact that almost everyone involved has talent (I won't go on a tirade against why Julianne Hough is still "acting"). Way too long for what the story was. It didn't know what kind of movie it wanted to be. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. The only reason this didn't rate lower on the list, is because it at least had the music I grew up on to keep me "entertained" throughout. But by no means is that a recommendation to attempt to sit through this dreck. Buy the soundtrack or listen to the original songs instead.
5. The House At The End of the Street
Now...it's obvious this movie was made awhile back, before Jennifer Lawrence was Jennifer Lawrence. And, it tricked me into the theater not only because of my love for her, but because of my life-long love for Miss Adventures In Babysitting herself, Elizabeth Shue. And I even think Max Theriot may turn out to be one of the more promising young male actors out there right now. So again, I already knew the film had been shelved for a couple of years...but that's not ALWAYS a bad thing. Look at how long it took "Cabin In The Woods" to come out! Then I was on the fence when I learned it was rated PG-13. The big flag should have been when I realized it was based on a YA novel. But...it could've been a fun ghost story, right??? Hell. No. Not only was it not a ghost story. Not only was there no real suspense. Not only did all of the characters make such bone-headed mistakes that you wanted to go through the screen and throttle them, but it all led up to an awful twist that makes M.Night Shyamalan's "The Village" look like a masterpiece. This is one House that should have been demolished and rebuilt. I wanted my money back when it was over. That's how bad it was.
4. What To Expect When You're Expecting
This year's "Valentine's Day" and "New Years Eve". Now, of course, I went into this with loooooow expectations, as, let's face it, all movies of this ilk basically suck. And boy did this one live up to THAT. Some really great actors stuck in some really bad stories with mediocre actors. I believe this one even bombed, so I don't know why studios continue to make movies like this. Lowest common denominator in "comedy". And shame on you, Anna Kendrick. You know better than this. Your love interest was Chase Crawford from "Gossip Girl", for Christ's sake! Red flag alert!
3. Playing For Keeps
I won't lament on this one for long...but let's just say that its Rotten Tomatoes score and $6 million opening weekend says it all. And the reason I let it edge out "What To Expect" is because it had an even BETTER cast of people who should have known better. And a second movie on the list this year that starred the awesome Catherine Zeta-Jones. I hope she starts making good films again. Hell, I'd even allow "Chicago 2" if it meant her getting back to her glory days. Gerard Butler, however...well...your ship has sailed. Please stop. Please? (And take your bff Katherine Heigl with you.)
2. Silent House
Now THIS...this is one big, smelly, heaping pile o'crap. "A horror movie told in real time in one long take!" "Scary, original, and bold!" More like boring, idiotic, and vile. Not only did nothing really happen in this short (but so slow it felt twice its run time) film, but you see the end "twist" coming a mile away, based on a weird, creepy moment that happens roughly 10 minutes into the film. Okay, to be fair, there are two twists here. One of them is the one I spoke of...but it also feeds into the next "twist", that's been so overdone, you wonder why the filmmakers even bothered to use it. Especially when it is widely known that this kind of twist turns audiences off now. How could Elizabeth Olsen follow up the superior "Martha Marcy May Marlene" with this? Probably money. Because it sure as hell wasn't for plot and character development. Worst horror film of the year, hands down. And would have been my pick for number one, until THIS particular film came out...
1. Dark Shadows
Five words describe my feelings about this film: What the f**k, Tim Burton? Everything, and I mean, EVERYTHING was wrong about this take on the franchise. How do you turn something that started out as a dark soap opera (yeah yeah, it was campy...but when it first came out, no one thought so, so lets go with original takes, people), and then was made into a dark hour long primetime show, which was then turned into a dark hour long pilot years later for another network that didn't pick it up...into a "Brady Bunch Movie" parody of the original series? Actually, forget how. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS???
The stage was set for a movie that could have been scary, creepy, well-acted fun. Instead, we get treated to Tim Burton's cotton candy colored comedy of errors. Michelle Pfeiffer was horrendously underused. Jonny Lee Miller had no point as a character. Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp were way too cartoonish and over-the-top. And let's not get started on that last minute Chloe Grace Moretz character twist that comes off like a bad after-thought. While it's painfully obvious Tim Burton filmed this as if he were hoping for a sequel (or worse, a franchise), it didn't work. At all. And now he'll never get to finish telling the story of the Collins family.
If ever there was an argument and a good case for remakes, it's this film. Do it again, and do it right!
HONORABLE MENTIONS
Another tough group to figure out, as I don't want to cheat and list every other movie that came out last year. So here are some "highlights" for other bad films that almost, but didn't, make the list.
1. Trouble With The Curve - Clint Eastwood? Could you stop with this tired genre of "grumpy older man having to reconnect with his child whom he isolated while on a road trip to discovery" movies? It hasn't worked in awhile, and you just made it worse with this movie.
2. One For The Money - What's a Worst list without a Katherine Heigl movie, right? This is right up there with her other stinkers, but I'll give her kudos for not playing her typical character archetype. Still not a good movie though. Like, at all.
3. The Woman In Black - A London set ghost story with Harry Potter. What could go wrong? Everything. While it's based on a very old story, what must have been "original" back then is only over done now. No good scares, no slow build suspense. Just complete boredom.
4. Gone - Another "thriller" that was out of its era. Except, it wouldn't have done well back in the 90s either. This whodunnit was so slow and half-baked, that you know the original script had a particular character as the killer, but because the producers realized the audience would figure it out way too early, they did a bait-and-switch and turned the killer into a different character by film's end...and it didn't work. Tsk, tsk.
5. That's My Boy - I think we can all agree that it's time for Adam Sandler to either stick to movies like "Punch Drunk Love" and "Spanglish", or just hang up his damn hat. This was worse than "Jack and Jill", and used INCEST as a punchline! Seriously???
6. The Paperboy - Nicole Kidman. John Cusack. Directed by Lee Daniels. A southern pot-boiler. What could possibly go wrong? Hiring Macy Gray as the storyteller and Zac Effron as the lead. Making a slower than slow movie. Hating all of your leads as characters. Uninteresting and unnecessary.
7. Killing Them Slowly - Tied with "Amour" for Slowest, Dullest Film of the Year, this movie does everything wrong. The pacing, the wasting of its supporting cast (I dare you to watch it and tell me the point of James Gandolfini's character arc for the story as a whole), and the it just...ends. Most disappointing film of the year.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Top 10 Best Films of 2012
Hey guys! It's that time of year again for me to pick my personal top films (best AND worst...worst coming next) of 2012! For the first time in years, I actually had a hard time choosing the films I wanted in my Top 10, as there were actually quite a few great movies released in 2012. After some thinking, I finally figured out which 10 would get the top spots for me, and is by no means an indicator that these were the best films overall...but the best films in my honest opinion, for one reason or another. So here we go!
10. The Raid: Redemption
I don't even know where to begin, with this exciting, fun, balls-to-the-wall actioner. From the ridiculously awesome action sequences, to the rich cinematography and direction, this movie was fun from beginning to end. It wastes no time getting to the action/story, and lets you get to know the main character and his plight as the film goes along, without coming across "too expositional" and without an over-long prologue to wade through just to get to the main centerpiece of the film. Very little seen at the theater (I know, because I didn't see it there, but on DVD), but even so, nothing is missed or lost in watching it at home. A must see for action fans.
9. Chronicle
While most "found footage" films are starting to grate on the viewers' nerves now, this is the one true example where it works...and it works well. It works as both a hero's journey and a villain's evolution...a wish fullfillment movie and a cautionary tale. It's rare that one film can do so much with such a simple premise, and you actually care about the outcome of these three disparate kids who have suddenly developed super powers and struggle with how to use them. Fun, fresh, and exciting. One of the best times I had at the theater all year.
8. Cabin In The Woods
The second best time I had at the theater all year came after watching this gem. Was it scary? No. Was it an edge of your seat thriller? Not necessarily. Was it fun? HELL. YES. First of all, let us take a moment to bow down to the always awesome Joss Whedon, for giving us a horror film that was not only fun, but for all intents and purposes, NEW. He took a tired genre (kids in a cabin in the woods), with tired cliched characters (the jock, the slut, etc.), and turned it on its ear with the fresh take he spun with this spool of gold. Knowing it's best not knowing much going into this film to experience it as a whole, I can say no more about it except: rent this immediately and have fun. Bonus points for the awesome cameo at the end, too!
7. Pitch Perfect
My fourth best time I had at the theater all year (I know I skipped, but chronologically speaking, number three comes later in the list). I had a smile on my face the entire time this movie ran, from the hilarious moments of comedic brilliance to the re-imagining of songs I either grew up with or just plain loved...this was the "Popcorn Fun Best Movie Of The Year", in my opinion. Yeah, the plot's been done before (hell, "Glee" is on every week), but it had the right mix of Christopher Guest-type humor, college-movie set raunch, and the right amount of heart to make this a truly fun watch. Beware, it loses something watching it at home on DVD, sadly...and was built as more of a "go to the theater and watch it with a bunch of people" event, but it's still a solid good time. And who can hate on Anna Kendrick rapping to "No Diggity"?
6. Skyfall
Best. Bond. Ever. Period. We all saw it. I don't need to say why this was awesome. It just was. And if you haven't seen it? Shame on you.
5. The Avengers
Here it is...the third best time I had at the theater all year. From beginning to end, it was just a fun joyride of a movie. Again, let us bow down to the awesomeness that is Joss Whedon for a)finally giving us a Hulk we can like, and b)making an over 2 hour movie seem like it was way under and wanting more when it ended. Best superhero movie ever made, in my opinion.
4. Silver Linings Playbook
What's not to love here? Great cast, great story, great acting...just a perfect little movie. I went in not expecting to love it as much as I did...and by the end, it got me a little. So yeah, run out and see this gem immediately. It'll make you believe Bradley Cooper deserves to continue acting, Jennifer Lawrence needs an Oscar soon, and that maybe Robert Deniro hasn't left the acting field altogether.
3. Argo
Let's not kid ourselves...while this is a great movie, we wouldn't have loved it as much as we did without that ridiculously suspenseful final 20 minutes. Because I tell you, that's what cemented my love for this film! It's becoming rarer and rarer to get audiences to sit on the edge of their seats in most action films...so imagine my surprise when the most suspense I've been filled with in years came from a drama! It had more suspense in that 20 minutes than Taken 2 had in its entire run time. Just saying. But aside from that, everything else about the movie was just plain great...the acting, the detail to the time period, the way it was directed...and hell, we may finally have the first successful movie told about the entertainment industry on our hands, as well!
2. The Perks of Being A Wallflower
Words can't describe how great this movie is. Literally one of the few movies you will ever hear me say is a truly perfect film, from beginning to end. You'll laugh, you'll tear up, you'll be uplifted, your heart will break...and it never felt so good. No matter who you are, at some point in our lives, we've all felt like one of these characters, and it makes it that much more of a personalized film. Seriously, find this movie, and just go along for the emotional rollercoaster. I promise you'll thank me for it. And the only reason why this didn't get my number one spot is because of...
1. The Impossible
I mean...this movie just puts you through the wringer! And in a good way. I haven't shed this many tears in a film since "Hotel Rwanda"! Male, female...you're not going to escape unscathed unless you're a heartless individual. Everything about this movie, like with the film above, is perfect...and the fact that the director was able to make me feel like I was in the tsunami with this family deserves major kudos. I won't say anything more about this film, as it should be experienced by its own merit and not knowing much else about it besides what you see in the trailer, but know that this is truly the best picture of the year, and I am VERY upset that the academy has chosen to only give it one acting nomination. See this in a theater, as I am 100% sure that, like "Pitch Perfect", something will be lost on its transfer to DVD.
HONORABLE MENTIONS
These films were just eked out of being in my Top 10, not because they weren't good enough, but because the other films made me feel something more:
1. Won't Back Down - this movie was unjustly dumped into the theaters, and then quickly taken out. The reviews weren't good and I believe Rotten Tomatoes (which I never pay attention to anyway) scores were low. So imagine my surprise when I not only liked the movie, but REALLY enjoyed it. And I mean, come on, Viola Davis can do no wrong. And Maggie Gyllenhaal gave one of her best performances here. Do yourself a favor and not believe everything your read about something and check this underrated gem out.
2. Looper - I'm not a big science fiction buff, but this film was pretty damn awesome and deserves every bit of recognition it got. A great thrill ride that keeps you wondering until the end how it will all play out.
3. Rust and Bone - You all know me...I'm not a big foreign film buff. So when I like one, I sing its praises, and this is my foreign film of the year. It unjustly didn't get a nomination for an Oscar, and for some reason, is getting snubbed by other awards shows as well. But this was a truly beautiful film. Find it and thank me later.
4. Life of Pi - I went in expecting to hate it. I left loving it more than I ever thought I would. See it in 3D for the best jump-scare of the year, and debate the end all the way home.
5. Django Unchained - Would have made my top 10 had it been shorter and streamlined. But still one hell of a fun time.
6. Hitchcock - Another "critically panned" film that doesn't deserve the drubbing it got. Nostalgic fun and wonderfully acted. Give it a chance.
10. The Raid: Redemption
I don't even know where to begin, with this exciting, fun, balls-to-the-wall actioner. From the ridiculously awesome action sequences, to the rich cinematography and direction, this movie was fun from beginning to end. It wastes no time getting to the action/story, and lets you get to know the main character and his plight as the film goes along, without coming across "too expositional" and without an over-long prologue to wade through just to get to the main centerpiece of the film. Very little seen at the theater (I know, because I didn't see it there, but on DVD), but even so, nothing is missed or lost in watching it at home. A must see for action fans.
9. Chronicle
While most "found footage" films are starting to grate on the viewers' nerves now, this is the one true example where it works...and it works well. It works as both a hero's journey and a villain's evolution...a wish fullfillment movie and a cautionary tale. It's rare that one film can do so much with such a simple premise, and you actually care about the outcome of these three disparate kids who have suddenly developed super powers and struggle with how to use them. Fun, fresh, and exciting. One of the best times I had at the theater all year.
8. Cabin In The Woods
The second best time I had at the theater all year came after watching this gem. Was it scary? No. Was it an edge of your seat thriller? Not necessarily. Was it fun? HELL. YES. First of all, let us take a moment to bow down to the always awesome Joss Whedon, for giving us a horror film that was not only fun, but for all intents and purposes, NEW. He took a tired genre (kids in a cabin in the woods), with tired cliched characters (the jock, the slut, etc.), and turned it on its ear with the fresh take he spun with this spool of gold. Knowing it's best not knowing much going into this film to experience it as a whole, I can say no more about it except: rent this immediately and have fun. Bonus points for the awesome cameo at the end, too!
7. Pitch Perfect
My fourth best time I had at the theater all year (I know I skipped, but chronologically speaking, number three comes later in the list). I had a smile on my face the entire time this movie ran, from the hilarious moments of comedic brilliance to the re-imagining of songs I either grew up with or just plain loved...this was the "Popcorn Fun Best Movie Of The Year", in my opinion. Yeah, the plot's been done before (hell, "Glee" is on every week), but it had the right mix of Christopher Guest-type humor, college-movie set raunch, and the right amount of heart to make this a truly fun watch. Beware, it loses something watching it at home on DVD, sadly...and was built as more of a "go to the theater and watch it with a bunch of people" event, but it's still a solid good time. And who can hate on Anna Kendrick rapping to "No Diggity"?
6. Skyfall
Best. Bond. Ever. Period. We all saw it. I don't need to say why this was awesome. It just was. And if you haven't seen it? Shame on you.
5. The Avengers
Here it is...the third best time I had at the theater all year. From beginning to end, it was just a fun joyride of a movie. Again, let us bow down to the awesomeness that is Joss Whedon for a)finally giving us a Hulk we can like, and b)making an over 2 hour movie seem like it was way under and wanting more when it ended. Best superhero movie ever made, in my opinion.
4. Silver Linings Playbook
What's not to love here? Great cast, great story, great acting...just a perfect little movie. I went in not expecting to love it as much as I did...and by the end, it got me a little. So yeah, run out and see this gem immediately. It'll make you believe Bradley Cooper deserves to continue acting, Jennifer Lawrence needs an Oscar soon, and that maybe Robert Deniro hasn't left the acting field altogether.
3. Argo
Let's not kid ourselves...while this is a great movie, we wouldn't have loved it as much as we did without that ridiculously suspenseful final 20 minutes. Because I tell you, that's what cemented my love for this film! It's becoming rarer and rarer to get audiences to sit on the edge of their seats in most action films...so imagine my surprise when the most suspense I've been filled with in years came from a drama! It had more suspense in that 20 minutes than Taken 2 had in its entire run time. Just saying. But aside from that, everything else about the movie was just plain great...the acting, the detail to the time period, the way it was directed...and hell, we may finally have the first successful movie told about the entertainment industry on our hands, as well!
2. The Perks of Being A Wallflower
Words can't describe how great this movie is. Literally one of the few movies you will ever hear me say is a truly perfect film, from beginning to end. You'll laugh, you'll tear up, you'll be uplifted, your heart will break...and it never felt so good. No matter who you are, at some point in our lives, we've all felt like one of these characters, and it makes it that much more of a personalized film. Seriously, find this movie, and just go along for the emotional rollercoaster. I promise you'll thank me for it. And the only reason why this didn't get my number one spot is because of...
1. The Impossible
I mean...this movie just puts you through the wringer! And in a good way. I haven't shed this many tears in a film since "Hotel Rwanda"! Male, female...you're not going to escape unscathed unless you're a heartless individual. Everything about this movie, like with the film above, is perfect...and the fact that the director was able to make me feel like I was in the tsunami with this family deserves major kudos. I won't say anything more about this film, as it should be experienced by its own merit and not knowing much else about it besides what you see in the trailer, but know that this is truly the best picture of the year, and I am VERY upset that the academy has chosen to only give it one acting nomination. See this in a theater, as I am 100% sure that, like "Pitch Perfect", something will be lost on its transfer to DVD.
HONORABLE MENTIONS
These films were just eked out of being in my Top 10, not because they weren't good enough, but because the other films made me feel something more:
1. Won't Back Down - this movie was unjustly dumped into the theaters, and then quickly taken out. The reviews weren't good and I believe Rotten Tomatoes (which I never pay attention to anyway) scores were low. So imagine my surprise when I not only liked the movie, but REALLY enjoyed it. And I mean, come on, Viola Davis can do no wrong. And Maggie Gyllenhaal gave one of her best performances here. Do yourself a favor and not believe everything your read about something and check this underrated gem out.
2. Looper - I'm not a big science fiction buff, but this film was pretty damn awesome and deserves every bit of recognition it got. A great thrill ride that keeps you wondering until the end how it will all play out.
3. Rust and Bone - You all know me...I'm not a big foreign film buff. So when I like one, I sing its praises, and this is my foreign film of the year. It unjustly didn't get a nomination for an Oscar, and for some reason, is getting snubbed by other awards shows as well. But this was a truly beautiful film. Find it and thank me later.
4. Life of Pi - I went in expecting to hate it. I left loving it more than I ever thought I would. See it in 3D for the best jump-scare of the year, and debate the end all the way home.
5. Django Unchained - Would have made my top 10 had it been shorter and streamlined. But still one hell of a fun time.
6. Hitchcock - Another "critically panned" film that doesn't deserve the drubbing it got. Nostalgic fun and wonderfully acted. Give it a chance.
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