Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Top 10 Worst Films of 2010

Hey guys,

Here is part two of my "Lists" series of 2010.  I had A LOT of material to choose from, as this, by far, has been the worst year for film since I was born 31 years ago.  As I mentioned in my last post, I couldn't even find 20 great films this past year...I had 30 for The Worst.  So I whittled it down to my main 10, with explanations on why it made my list.  Immediately after are a few Honorable Mentions that didn't quite make the list...but explanations on why they are deemed bad.

Enjoy!


10. The Social Network

Yeah, I said it.    It’s been hailed “a dramatic thriller.” Really???  I think I need to re-read the rules of what a thriller is, because this film didn’t have me on the edge of my seat OR rooting for anyone to overcome ANY of the ridiculousness that was going on in the film.  Well, maybe the Winklevoss Twins, but...considering we know how this all ends, it’s a moot point. 

Look, this film IS good...as an NBC Movie of the Week if it were the 80s or early 90s.  Just because you put a much lauded director and screenwriter in the mix doesn’t mean it’s going to be theatrical gold.  Why am I so annoyed by this film, you ask?  Let’s see... a)I could care less about any of these elitist, “too much time on their hands” kids who believe that to get ahead you have to continuously shit on people and alienate those who were only trying to help them. b) Jesse Eisenberg, aka “the other Michael Cera”.  He’s not a great actor if he does the same role in everything he does, guys.  Otherwise, he could have gotten nominated years ago for “Cursed”, or recently for “Zombieland”.  Gripe all you want, but watch an Eisenberg marathon and I dare you to prove me wrong. 

I know this over-hyped and underwhelming movie will get nominated numerous times and will win, at minimum, Best Adapted Screenplay (ugh) at this years’ Oscar ceremony...but it doesn’t mean I have to agree with it or like it.  And let us all cross our fingers that this isn’t the beginning of other unnecessary and unwarranted biopics like “Myspace: The Rise and Fall of Social Sharing” or “A Twitter Story”. 


9. I'm Still Here

Oh Joaquin Phoenix.  What the hell is wrong with you?  To be adamant that his film was “totally and completely true...not fake in the slightest”, just for you to finally admit that is was a complete fabrication right after it was released on DVD?  We smelled fake from the moment it was conceived!

This improvisational nightmare is long, slow, and boring.  Especially once you know that what you are watching is fake.   Anything he hoped to accomplish with it is gone, and thus, not even worthy of checking out.


8. Valentine's Day

Hey!  ANOTHER Ashton Kutcher film...!

Look, let’s not beat around the bush here.  We knew this was going to be bad from the get-go.  When you can get this many stars to essentially cameo in a film of basically vignettes with (again) way too many coincidences, you know something is amiss.  Especially in a trailer for a comedy that boasts absolutely no laughs.  Everyone phoned in their performances, chemistry was lacking in the couples who got together by film’s end, and you know it’s bad when the only person who got real laughs was...Taylor Swift.  (I shudder having to write that last bit...)


7. Prince of Persia

So...okay.  Jake Gyllenhaal has great abs.  Good for him, and good for the female audience.  So what about everyone else looking for SOMETHING worth watching in this (surprise!) really awful movie based on a video game?

Well. everyone else is screwed.  Period.  Weak story, boring action set pieces, and not a saving grace in sight.  When will Hollywood learn that there is a reason these games were developed as GAMES.  And it won’t get much better with the upcoming Monopoly (!!!) film...


6. The American

This film...is the epitome ...of a vanity project.  A film...that looked to ape Gus Van Sant’s directing in every way.  Here’s George Clooney working out.  Here’s George Clooney walking down the street.  Here’s George Clooney building a gun for some kind of assignment that we still don’t know about.  Here’s George Clooney chatting up a priest and talking in code and symbolism.  Here’s George Clooney driving down the street.  This is 45 minutes into the film, by the way.  Notice I haven’t given you the plot yet...because I still didn’t know the plot yet.  And I didn’t wait around for the filmmakers to get to it, either.  Sorry George.  Better luck next time.


5. Killers

(Deep sigh).  Where to begin?  Katherine Heigl’s uninspired acting (she’s the new Jennifer of RomComs,  you know.  Which Jennifer?  Anniston or Lopez...you decide).  Ashton Kutcher as “the ridiculously attractive alpha male assassin”.  A completely wasted supporting cast with the likes of Catherine O’Hara, Tom Selleck and Alex Borstein.  A story SO over-the-top and unrealistic that you have to wonder if this film was originally intended as an animated film. 

I know, RomComs give the license to have more “storyline dictated coincidences” than other films...but the amount of coincidences found here is enough to take that license away forever.  The absolute worst romantic comedy of the year.  And that’s saying something, considering  we had the likes of “The Bounty Hunter”, “The Back Up Plan” and “Knight and Day” all in the same year. 


4. Jonah Hex

Do I even have to explain why this was bad?  Supernatural Western...Megan Fox...a character no one really knows about...and a bad script with dialogue as lifeless as Megan Fox’s acting.   If this film does nothing but let Hollywood execs know that Miz Fox isn’t worth putting in more films, it will have done ONE justice in this world.


3. Charlie St. Cloud

Another SPOILER ALERT if you even CARE to see this ridiculous film to begin with.  What’s funny about this film, is, you know it’s going to be bad from the trailer alone.  You just don’t know HOW bad it’s going to be, until you get to a “twist” in the film that smacks heavily of “The Sixth Sense”... and not in a good way.  You see, Charlie not only sees dead people (his younger brother who dies early in the film), but he sees almost dead people as well.  I won’t say who if you still intend to see this movie...but, let’s just say, it was such an out-of-left-field twist, that I didn’t even want to go back and make sure the director didn’t show Charlie talking to this person around other people or see if there were any “cheats” along the way, like I did with “The Sixth Sense”.  Enter at your own sleep-induced risk.


2. Catfish

How fitting that two of my worst films this year deal with Facebook!  “Catfish”, or what I have come to call “The Fake Facebook Movie”, is quite the study on deceptive advertising.  For those of you have not seen this film, or who have and stand by your “It IS real!” stance, let me assure you, this is about as fake as finding tapes in the Burkittsville, MD woods!

Why am I sure of this?  (SPOILER ALERT...if you have not seen the film and want to, read no further).   First of all, the story.  Now, call me crazy, but if I were a 40 year old woman with mentally challenged children and a white trash husband who has gone so far as to trick an attractive 20-something male into believing I was a hot 20-something female, and went so far as to create an entire WORLD of friends and family to keep up the charade... I would NEVER give the guy permission to air this in a theatrical film!!!  Hello!

Second of all, the film is really product placement to advance these people’s careers.  The main guy, Nev, is...a wannabe actor!  The director, his brother who wanted to document this “true story”, is...a wannabe director!  The woman at the heart of this drama is...a struggling artist who now has a website for her art!  Come on folks.  Open your eyes.

What pissed me off the most, however, is the advertising of the film.  The so-called quotes to get everyone to go out and see this ridiculously slow-paced mess.  “The final forty minutes will take you on an emotional roller-coaster rise that you won’t be able to shake for days.”  Nope.  You see the final forty minutes coming around minute 10 of the film.   But the one that REALLY pissed me off?  “The best Hitchcock film Hitchcock never directed.”  What gall!  Hitchcock is probably turning over in his grave!  Avoid at all costs...and if not...you’ve been warned.  Just don’t get suckered into the “true” aspect these amateurs are selling you.

1. Remember Me

There are many reasons why this film has been chosen as my number one pick for Worst Film of 2010.  Robert Pattinson is one reason.  He’s my “Young Mark Ruffalo”.  An average, undynamic actor who will no doubt keep getting role after role thanks to the idiot teenage girls out there who catapulted him to stardom with the horrific “Twilight” movies.  Thanks so much for that.

Another reason is the story.  It’s nothing we haven’t seen before.  Rich dad doesn’t spend as much time with his family so spoiled older son renounces the family wealth to live like one of us common folk and constantly rebel against anything Daddy does.  It’s been done better by better filmmakers and casts.

But the MAIN reason (and this is the mother of all SPOILER ALERTS...I mean, I am going to give away the ending and trash it to kingdom come) is how it ends.  The director, as if knowing that the audience really could care less about these people or their petty problems, decides to ground the film in a real life disaster that is so horrifically used as a plot point, that this film should have been banned from ever seeing the light of day.  Follow me as I give you the slow build realization of the denouement...

Robert Pattinson goes to his father’s building, finally deciding enough is enough and looking to give him the benefit of the doubt and try to move towards rebuilding their shattered relationship.  At this time, he has also made up with the girl he thought he lost forever.  Pierce Brosnan, the dad, has told his son to wait for him in his office...he will go and pick up his daughter, with whom he knows he needs to build a better relationship as well.  Robert Pattinson turns on dad’s computer, and is shocked to see that the screensaver is all pictures of himself and his sister.  Tears spring to his eyes.  An epiphany is reached...Dad loved us all along!  Robert Pattinson walks over to the window to look out over New York City on this beauitful, sunny day.  We cut to the sister, in class, where we learn what today’s date is: September 11th, 2001.  The film isn’t present day!  It’s 2001!  We cut back to Robert Pattinson looking out the window, serene and happy.  We get a wide shot, on him, pulling out slowly to reveal ...Dad’s office...IS IN THE TWIN TOWERS!!!!  The sound of a plane approaches off camera.  CUT TO BLACK!  Fade in to the aftermath...ashes falling over the city...Pierce Brosnan and Rob’s lady love looking toward the Twin Towers in horror, tears falling from their eyes...some dumb ass voice over to tie it up and make you cry harder...

Any film that utilizes such a sorrowful disaster as a PLOT POINT to elicit an emotional response from the audience because the filmmakers didn’t know how to make us care about these annoying individuals to begin with, is worthy of the honor of Worst Film...if not, Worst Film Ever.  Even Nicholas Sparks, King of Schmaltz, has never resorted to this kind of travesty to elicit tears from his audience.  Shame on you, Will Fetters.  Shame on you.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

A Nightmare on Elm Street - this highly glossy and stylized remake is every reason why remakes should never be allowed to happen.  Not a scary moment in sight.

The Losers - a lifeless action film with so many twists that they become more and more ludicrous.  The worst part?  A promise of a sequel...which will never get made, thankfully, to the abysmal box office.

Furry Vengeance - do I really need to explain?

The Bounty Hunter - typical Jennifer Aniston/Gerard Butler RomCom crap.  They are so used to these roles that they seem to be on auto pilot now.

Just Wright - when you can peg every twist and how the story will unfold 15 minutes into the film, it's time to go back to the drawing board.

Monday, January 3, 2011

My Top 10 List of Best Films for 2010

Hey guys,

So I decided that this year will be the first year I create some "Top 10" lists.  My friends asked me to create a list this year, as I am one of the hardest people to please when it comes to films.  You see, I'm what some might call a "movie snob".  I hate 90% of the films that are made each year, because they are either remakes (which I abhor and refuse to give my money to) or such horrendous dreck that you wonder who sat down and signed million dollar checks every week to keep the movie funded and rolling (I'm talking about YOU, "Jonah Hex" and "Valentine's Day"!)

Looking at the list of films that were released this year, I created a list for "The Best", "The Worst", and "Much Better Than You Would Have Thought".  As my lists began to grow, I saw a long list for "Worst", a nice sized list for "Better...", and, to my great disappointment, a list so short for "Best", I couldn't even make a Top 20 if someone asked me to! 

So without further adieu, here is my Top 10 Best.  They're listed in countdown mode, with brief descriptions of why I loved them.  (I decided not to do story synopses...you either know what these movies are about or can look them up easily on imdb.com).  Immediately following the list will be a list of Honorable Mentions with a brief write up on either why it didn't make the Top 10 or simply why you should check it out.

Some of my friends may be surprised by what they find...


10. Youth In Revolt

It is rare for me to put a recent comedy in any of my “Best Of” lists, considering the abysmal films that are released that pass for “funny” these days.  However, this is one of the smartest, laugh-out-loud comedies that I have had the pleasure of coming across.  It didn’t do well theatrically, due to Michael Cera’s declining fan base (we’re all tired of the non-expression clueless look)...but I promise you, it serves him well here and his delivery leads to many a punchline.  Give it a chance guys.  It’s well worth it.


9. Easy A

I know, shocker.  ANOTHER comedy in my Top 10.  All of this rain we’ve been having here in Los Angeles might be because of this, an almost assured sign of the Apocalypse.

Words to describe this film: Hilarious. Brilliant. Smart. Pure awesomeness.  Without a doubt, the “Best 80s Movie Not Made In The 80s”.  It’s a wonderful throwback to 80s teen comedies... only better.  A smart heroine (I heart you, Emma Stone), interweaving plots created from ridiculous misunderstandings and little white lies... it’s the most fun you’ll have in a comedy this year.


8. Toy Story 3

Show of hands...who was crying at the end of this film?  Since you can’t see my hand raised, I’ll tell you: I’m amongst that group.  Such an endearingly sweet, witty allegory for growing up!  It’s a testament to the filmmakers that I was able to enjoy this film without having even seen the second installment.


7. The Kid’s Are All Right

What can I say about this little film, except that it’s a marvel, from beginning to end.  You can never go wrong with Annette Bening or Julianne Moore.  I even liked Mark Ruffalo, whom I have nicknamed “The Most Averagely Boring Actor Who Keeps Getting Work Inexplicably”!

It’s one of the most realistic portrayals of family life that has graced the screen in previous years...it just happens to have two mommies in the drivers seat.  I also love that it can never be termed “that lesbian movie”, because it’s not about the politics of two women being together or raising a family.  It’s just about two people who love each other and want to provide for their little family.  Kudos to you, Lisa Cholodenko.

6. 127 Hours

Yet another film I went into, fully expecting to hate, because I wasn’t sure how Danny Boyle would approach the subject matter.  I’m very much not a fan of “One Man, One Location” stories (i.e. Castaway, Buried, and I Am Legend).  They’re usually overly long, and uninteresting, with way too many wide shots of the city, island, coffin, etc. to “show us how alone this person is”, with equally boring ways of keeping said character occupied for two hours.

127 Hours, however, is that rare example of how a “confined story” should be told.  Between the flashbacks and the ever increasing loss of sanity as the days wear on...with water and food diminishing...and no help in sight... there’s never a dull moment. To be so riveted and engrossed in a film where we even know what’s coming and how the story ends, is a testament to the great filmmaking at work here.

I’m not afraid to admit that I hated Slumdog Millionaire with a fiery passion, and still don’t get why people love it so...but this film has redeemed Danny Boyle in my eyes, and is a much more deserving film for kudos than his previous one. 


5. Flipped

I’m going to take you on my journey with this film.  Imagine if you will, a trailer for a small film that nowhere near conveys the greatness that is within.  It looked like some cutesy, flashback to the 50s story of two kids falling in love.  Who cares, right?  It tanks in the theaters, is gone in mere weeks, and then put out on DVD.  “Shocker,” I think to myself.  So I rent it, as I will give everything a chance on DVD, because it’s free for me.

I put it in my PS3, fully prepared to turn it off within 20 minutes of viewing it.  Soon, I’m glued to my seat, slapping my forehead in exasperation at the bone-head move the boy just made... shouting at the girl to ask questions before she lets this simple misunderstanding blow up into epic proportions for no reason... blinking back tears at the end because you know things will be all right...

Rare is the film to touch me so deeply that I have to get online and tell all of my friends to go out and rent it or put it in their Netflix queues.  Told in a clever way (you see an event unfold through the eyes of the girl, then the director “flips” views and shows how the event went down through the eyes of the boy), it will make you relive your own “first love”, and resonate with you for days after viewing.  The absolute feel good movie of the year.

4. The Town

I know what you’re thinking, because it’s the same thing I thought when I saw the trailer: (Deep sigh, overly dramatic eye roll) ANOTHER bank robbery/heist flick?  Greeeeeat.  Don’t have enough of THOSE out there...

And yet, it’s so much more than that.  The characters...their motivations...their desperation... jump off of the page and are brought to vivid life by this talented group of actors.  Ben Affleck is in fine form here, both in front of and behind the camera...even Blake “I Only Speak Out Of The Corners Of My Mouth” Lively gave a pretty good, layered performance, showing us that she’s more than just a Gossip Girl. 

Keep it up, Ben, and we’ll soon forgive you for Pearl Harbor and Daredevil...


3. True Grit

True Grit is one of the funniest films this year.  What’s that?  Yeah, you read right.  FUNNIEST.   Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to laugh as much, and as hard, as I did in this film.  The Coen Brothers have a true gift in that area, and they brought the dark humor out tenfold in a film that could have just been a boring retread on a tale of revenge. 

I went into this film fully expecting to hate it.  It had a few things going against it when I sat down in the theater: a)I HATE Westerns. To me, they’re one of the most boring genres around. b)for every Coen Brothers movie I loved (No Country For Old Men, Fargo), there’s one I hated (A Serious Man, The Big Lebowski...yeah, I said it. Deal.)  

So imagine my surprise when I realized that not only is it not a traditional Western, but it’s probably the Coen Brothers’ best film to date!  The direction and cinematography is breathtaking, the performances flawless and inspired, the script crackling with some of the best characters and dialogue ever written.  The balance of humor and seriousness is perfect.  

Sorry John Wayne.  Sorry Clint Eastwood.  In my book, this is the Best Western ever made.  My hat’s off to you, Brothers Coen.


2. The Fighter

I knew I was going to love this movie from the trailer alone.  The wonderful Amy Adams and Melissa Leo?  Check.  Christian Bale at his method best? Check.  A tale of an underdog trying to leave his past behind to move on to a better future? Check.

Another pitch perfect movie in all aspects.  For one, you won’t find a better ensemble piece this year.  The chemistry between the actors is electrifying...you almost forget you’re watching a movie and not a real life Boston family fighting for loyalty and love.  You want so desperately for Mickey Ward to succeed, with all of the curveballs that keep getting thrown at him, that by film’s end, you let out a long breath, not remembering when you started holding it.

For all of you who were thinking “ugh, it’s just another boxing movie”...I urge you to reconsider.  It’s not “Million Dollar Rocky”.  You will love every minute of this film....and find yourself a little saddened when the credits start to roll...because your know this story is just beginning, and you want to follow this family for just a little longer.

1. Inception

Reasons why I chose this film as my number one pick for best of the year:
a)It was almost 3 hours long and I didn’t check my watch once.
b)It’s the most original film that has come out of the studio gates in years.
c)It made me forget that I’m not a big fan of Leonardo DiCaprio, and almost succeeded in making me one.

Of course, those are just a few of the reasons why I loved this film.  From the superb acting, to the haunting score, to the action set pieces, and the brilliantly intricate “look-away-for-10-seconds-and-you-miss-a-lot” script, it’s everything all films should aspire to be. 

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Black Swan - I know, you're shocked it didn't make the 10.  Listen, it was a great movie, and Aronofsky could teach a master class on filmmaking. However, when it came down to figuring out the list, I had to have FELT something emotionally by the end of the film, or been pleasantly surprised by a film.  Black Swan gave me exactly what I knew it would, and therefore, is my number 11.

Winters Bone - Another great movie.  Can't find anything wrong with it.  The lake scene (for those of you who know what I'm talking about) is harrowing and hard to watch.  It just missed the 10 as well.

Date Night - Listen, stop hating on this movie.  If you go in knowing it's a screwball throwback to a 50s or 80s comedy film, you'll love it.  Don't expect the sarcastic, annoying, raunchy crap that passes for "good comedy" these days (*cough* Judd Apatow crapfests *cough*)

Please Give - an Indie Lovers' delight. And it has Catherine Keener.  Need I say more?

Micmacs - I don't watch many foreign films.  I find most of them unnecessarily long winded and muddled.  This, however, is one of the best foreign films EVER made.  Engrossing from start to finish.

Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work - as with foreign films, not a big fan of documentaries, but this one is a marvel.  Will never look at Joan Rivers the same way...and that's a good thing.


Stay tuned for my Top 10 Worst Films coming next...